


Love Potion

by Eniell



Category: Gintama
Genre: Falling In Love, Gay Jokes, GinHijiGin, HijiGinHiji, Idiots in Love, M/M, OOC, Romantic Comedy, drug case, seme/uke parody, yaoi trope parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-04-22 12:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14308224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eniell/pseuds/Eniell
Summary: A new drug is sold on the black-market called the "Love Potion". As Hijikata investigates the matter, an "accident" happens and Gintoki has to suffer. Featuring lots of drama, sadism and gay jokes.





	1. Coffee with Mayonnaise

**Author's Note:**

> My very first Gintama fanfic. So, please don't be too hard on me ;). I wrote this back in 2016, so the story is settled before the Shinsengumi Farewell arc. 
> 
> Let's party!

## Coffee with Mayonnaise

 

It was just a normal day, as normal as any in the life of the Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi.

He was on a stakeout.

Because Yamazaki had a heavy flu, Hijikata had to step in. What a disgrace. Had Kondou not stopped him, Hijikata would have had him commit Seppuku. Now he had to sit here in this stupidly cute café and wait. It was his day off, too. Not that he had a problem working, but this café had a strict anti-smoking policy and he was craving a cigarette since the minute he walked in here. Which had been 27 minutes and 13 seconds now.

Hijikata Toushirou was sitting in a lovely little lounge decorated with cute, puffy, pink cushions. Above his head a mobile of hearts and stars hang down while the coffee table was adorned with a pink-white checkered tea cloth and a tea set right out of a Ghibli movie. The room was filled with cute J-Pop music and dozens of high school girls eating lemon cake with purple frosting and hazelnut cream and rainbow sprinkles. The sight alone made his teeth ache. Speaking of sight: he certainly was an odd one in this girly pink café. A grumpy man in his mid-twenties, sitting alone in a corner, drinking coffee out of a cup with the face of Bunny Tsukino on it. Pathetic.

He folded his arms and his sharp eyes skimmed the room for any potential criminals. So far, only pubescent teenagers had come in. Maybe the hint he got was a diversionary tactic? Even so, it was worth a shot. And if it meant catching these damn drug-dealing terrorists, then Hijikata Toushirou was on it.

He took a sip of his mayonnaise coffee and considered it a bit thin. As he grabbed his personal mayonnaise flask, the one he always had with himself, his face distorted. He squeezed the last remains out into his coffee cup and grew even gloomier. In the rush this morning he had totally forgotten to take his backup flash with him. Coffee just tasted nasty without it. But he couldn’t just go to buy a new one now for he had to stay focused. This may be the perfect chance to finally catch these criminals who had been bothering them for months.

It was this very morning they had gotten a hint from a reliable source. The hint pointed to a secret meeting of the local drug bosses in this very café around noon. Hijikata had been here since 10:30 am, just to be sure. And ever since then he had been waiting. Even though he didn’t wear his Shinsengumi outfit, he still stood out. A grown man alone drinking coffee in this kind of place… Oh man, talking about a badly executed undercover mission. If Yamazaki didn’t buy him at least a year worth of mayonnaise, he would make him commit seppuku for real!

As the Vice Chief took another sip and closed his eyes for a second, he couldn’t hear the footsteps coming in his direction. What he heard instead a few seconds later was the annoying voice of someone who indeed sounded like a criminal. And frankly, was one too.

“Oi! You’re sitting in my favorite place!”

Slowly, his forehead already showing signs of a throbbing vein, Hijikata opened his eyes just to look at a pretty bad eyesore. Of course, none other than the shady, good-for-nothing samurai with the rotten teeth would stand before him. Was it time for such an episode again? Hadn’t the last one been just a few weeks ago? He was so fed up with seeing him. Every time they met, it ended in disaster. Still, he tried to stay cool and ignore him.

“Go away, I’m working.”

“And if you’d be painting your nails with mayonnaise here, you’re _still_ sitting in _my_ place!” Sakata Gintoki was in a foul mood, which was kind of obvious. He did that thing with his chin again and the sadistic look in his eyes flared up.

God, why him? Why always him? Hijikata, with his arms still folded, looked at him unimpressed. “What does _your place_ mean anyway? Are you a regular here? What are you? A twelve-year-old girl?”

The silver-haired samurai growled. He wasn’t exactly pleased to see him either. “Hell yeah, I’m a regular! This place serves the best strawberry parfait in town! And you’re sitting in the best spot in this entire café!”

“Like hell I care.” Hijikata glared. “This is the best spot for a stake-out because I can overlook the entire room. I need it for work, so shove off!”

“What did you say you bastard? I reserved this very spot yesterday! And now I find you here soiling this place with your dog food, you mayonnaise freak!”

“Apologize to mayonnaise you sugar freak! I told you I’m here on urgent police business, so take another booth and get diabetes there!”

“No way!” Gin’s eyes shot daggers as he grinded his teeth. “Not today! I finally have a date with Ketsuno Ana! But instead of finding a beautiful weather lady, I find this _ketsu no ana_ *!”

“Who’re calling an asshole, you asshole!” The vein on his forehead almost turned into a burning trail of fire as he looked at him with clenched fists. “I’m here because we’re close to catching one of the mafia bosses who’s selling illegal space drugs! Get out of my face or I will arrest you for obstructing a police officers duties!”

“You did that already and I don’t want to go through this kind of mess again!” complained the silver-haired sweet tooth and demonstratively sat next to him in the booth. “These seats are mine. Ketsuno Ana finally agreed to go on a date with me and I reserved this exact spot so she will marry me the minute she sits down next to me!”

“What the hell are you doing! I’m sitting here!”

“Hello, Gin-san~” A cute waitress on roller skates wearing a pink fluffy skirt and white-red checkered tights was passing the table and smiled at them cheekily. “Anything to eat or drink?”

“Ah yes, I’d like a strawberry parfait with extra anko and whipped cream. Go add it to this guy’s tab. He’s paying.”

“What?! Like hell I am!”

Sakata Gintoki looked at him pissed and arrogantly at the same time. “Of course you are, freak. Not only are you sitting in my favorite spot, you’re also poisoning this place with your disgusting cigarette smell and you promised me a parfait in the lottery ticket episode. _And_ you ruined my parfait the last time we were forced to sit in a café due to one of your damned stakeouts! Plus, I’m a little bit short on money right now.”

“Didn’t you say you’re on a date? So you intended to let _her_ pay? What kind of adult are you?”

Although still pissed, Gin was much calmer now, switching into his sadist mode. The look, that he gave the man with the dark olive hair, hit bull’s eye. “What kind of adult am _I_? I’m a regular customer here and everyone knows I come here for the food. You’re just a creepy old man, here to stalk cute high school girls, for all I know. You’re a _lolicon_ *.”

“I am not!”

“Um, I’ll just bring you your usual, too, sir.” The waitress smiled uncomfortably and hurried back to the counter.

“See?” Gintoki leaned back and grinned devilishly. “I’m not the only one thinking that.”

Hijikata’s head flared up red with anger and shame. This bastard always embarrassed him in public. He would cave his skull in! “I _will_ arrest you if you don’t leave immediately!”

“And I _will_ waste _you_ if you ruin my chance to marry Ketsuno Ana!”

“If you want to marry a gigantic asshole, marry yourself!”

“Haaah? What was that? Wanna taste my fist?”

“If anyone’s gonna taste something, it’s you and it will be your blood!”

“You wanna go, huh? Alright then! Let’s settle this outside! The winner gets the booth!”

“Fine with me! I will kick your sorry ass!”

“Alrighty~, here’s the parfait for you Gin-san and the coffee with extra mayonnaise for you, sir.”

Both men looked at the cute waitress smiling innocently at them before skating off to the next table. The two samurai glared back at each other, then their orders.

“Enjoy your last mayonnaise freak show, you’ll need all the calories for the fight.” Gintoki teased.

And Hijikata smiled madly. “Fine. Then you’ll have fun with your meal… for it will be your last.”

Snarling, both of the men started finishing their orders. The policeman drank the hot coffee in one go while the jobless samurai gulped down the parfait as if they were having an eating contest. Finally, Hijikata smashed his Sailor Moon cup down on the table, his throat throbbing and burning. Just a second later, Gin, with his mouth still full and ice cream dripping down his chin, did the same and glared at his sworn archenemy. Energetically, and trouble seeking, the two idiots stood up and walked out of their booth.

Gintoki must have taken just a few steps towards the exit, as he heard a strange noise, like a “thud”. A little bit confused and swallowing the last bit of ice cream, he turned around.

 

He found Hijikata lying on the ground.

He must’ve tripped and fell, now lying incapacitated on the also pink-white checkered floor tiles. The silver-haired man couldn’t suppress laughter and wiped away the remnants of his parfait on his cheek. “Well, well! Did you finally get a heart stroke from all the trash you gulp down? Or is it you ate laxative again, heh?”

As Hijikata neither moved nor replied, the Yorozuya leaned over him and poked his back. “Oi, oi! Are you giving it to me for free? _You,_ giving up so easily, mayo freak?” He kicked him, so his knocked-out body would flip over. As he saw his face cringe in pain, Gin grinned nastily. “Uh, seems like a laxative attack again. Well, have fun on the can for me, rotten bastard!”

“Urgh…” Hijikata’s face turned green and blue and for a second the run-down samurai almost felt sorry. Then, a moment later, the Shinsengumi officer opened his eyes and looked up, right into the face of his sworn enemy. He heard him say something, but didn’t understand a word. Instead, Hijikata Toushirou’s face turned red again and his heart skipped a beat.

The broke samurai smiled viciously. “So, are you giving up or do I need to give your face a plastic surgery first?”

And before he knew it, he was down.

Suddenly, it was his turn to lie on the floor. A man with striking steel blue eyes and olive brown hair on top of him, pinning him down with his hands. All at once, Hijikata looked fine. Well, _fine_ might not have been the right word. His eyes were clear and full of emotions, his face hard and his voice trembling with excitement.

“Go out with me.”

 

“Eh… Ehhhhhh?” Gintoki’s eyes twitched. What did he just say?

Since they were lying in the corridor between the tables, all of the girls were staring at them. The two at the table right next to them started whispering, utterly shocked. “Did he just say he wants to go on a date with him?”

“Yes! Omg, you think they are…”

“Go out with me, Yorozuya.” The demonic Vice Commander repeated, still frighteningly serious.

“Y-You’re kidding me, right, Hijikata-kun…?” Gintoki stuttered, half embarrassed, half frightened for his life.

“I’m not.” He leaned down to him, his eyes closing as in an attempt to kiss him. His voice was loud enough for half of the café to hear. “I love you.”

A hard kick in his face was the answer he got. The policeman slid back and hit his head hard, as the good-for-nothing samurai sat up and stared at him utterly disbelieving. A weird mixture of shock, embarrassment, and rage made his voice shake. “What the hell? What’s wrong with you _now_? You hit your head too hard?”

The mayonnaise lover got up, too and looked towards Gintoki with a hurt and longing expression. “I-it’s not like I like you or anything… but you have to go out with me.”

“What kind of logic is that?  Why are you acting all tsundere-like now?”

Seemingly embarrassed, Hijikata turned around to hide his reddish cheeks. “Don’t yell at me, you are so mean, baka!”

Completely dumbfounded, Gin stared at him and couldn’t believe his eyes. What the fuck was going on here? Why the hell was he acting like a high school girl right out of a shojo novel? It was almost as if the policeman was cursed again, like the time he was cursed by his sword. Only this time, he turned into an annoying bastard who wanted to go out with him!

“Stay the hell away from me!” As the Shinsengumi officer moved towards him, Gintoki started yelling again, though he stopped in between, when he saw a suspicious person right at the counter of the café. He wore a black hood that covered most of his body and the only thing visible was a hell of a nasty smile. At this moment, something clicked in Gin’s head.

Hijikata said he was on a stakeout to catch a criminal? Someone dealing with illegal drugs? Was this the one he was talking about? Was he been had?

As the suspicious figure felt Gin’s gaze, it grinned even harder and stormed out of the café. Oh no, no! Furiously, the Yorozuya got up and started chasing after him. No! Not on his date with Ketsuno Ana! Not today! Not this time! He was _not_ in the mood for _this_!

Gin managed to chase after the suspicious drug dealer for exactly 3 seconds before a pair of arms entangled his belly and tore him down to the ground again. He hit his nose pretty hard and his head spun for a second as he rolled over to the side. Above him, Hijikata looked down like he had tears in his eyes. “Don’t leave me, Sakata-san!”

Now, Gintoki’s forehead was about to explode from all the throbbing veins that sprouted there. Cursing and disgusted, he shoved him aside and ignored the chuckling of the fangirly high school girls around him. “Cut the crap, you creep! And don’t touch me with your greasy mayonnaise fingers!”

“But, I don’t want you to leeeaaave!” The cop wined and held him tight, no matter what.

It took a very hard head butt and a kick in the nuts to shake off this maniac. Finally freed, Gintoki got up and stormed out of the café. In the busy streets outside the shop, he couldn’t spot the mysterious criminal anymore. Furiously, he stopped a few passers-by and shook them violently. “Have you seen a weird person wearing a black coat running off somewhere?”

But the only weird person was a man in a white kimono with blue swirls attacking innocent people in the streets. And the more he screamed, the more desperate he got, the more he lost track of the criminal. In the end, he stood in front of the cute little café with exhausted lungs and a pulse way to high. Crap!

Cursing, tearing his hair, Gin kicked a can on the ground and sent it flying. But before he could do anything else, something glued itself onto him. Or rather someone. A very clingy Hijikata hugged him from behind and started kissing his neck, as his voice shrieked with excitement.

“Sakata-san, you smell so nice! Let’s go back inside and eat _a_ parfait together!”

A little tear rolled down his cheek. Why now? Why today? The day had started so wonderfully! And now, instead of meeting the love of his life, he had to deal with this kind of freak! Why was life so unfair! With him being around, there was no way he could meet her!

“Gintoki-san, what are you doing he-“ An awful familiar voice woke him up.

As he looked into the eyes of his favorite weather lady, he died a little bit inside. Really? Now?

She was shoved away by a suddenly very bossy Hijikata, who had one hand around his new lover, the other on his hip. “I don’t know who you are, but this man is my boyfriend now and I don’t like sluts like you calling him by familiar names.”

A devastating kick to his abdominal brought the policeman to his knees. Gin kicked him a few more times to be sure, then he turned around to Ketsuno Ana and smiled frantically. “Ahhh, don’t mind him! He-he’s talking nonsense! He’s on drugs and I am most certainly not in any kind of relationship with him. So, anyways, I’m glad you finally came, Ketsuno Ana!”

The brown-haired lady, while still a little confused, tilted her head and smiled apologetically. “Ah about that. I’m sorry but I came here to tell you I won’t be able to meet you today. I am terribly busy at work. Maybe some other time?“

“Ha-hah…” Gintoki’s face broke like a mirror. But even before he could react properly, she dealt the finishing blow. Her smile was as sweet as the parfait he would have bought for her.

“Next time we could go see a movie with your boyfriend? I’m sure it would be fun!”

As the samurai froze to a pathetic block of ice, the love of his life waved him goodbye with a smile. “Sorry, I have to hurry! See you around!”

She was a few yards away before he could finally scream after her, desperately. “For the love of god, we’re not together!”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“So this is the situation.” He concluded with a bugged expression on his face.

Kondou and Okita could see that. The white-haired samurai sat before them in their headquarter, a very clingy Vice Commander at his side, hugging him like a teddy bear.

While Okita suppressed a chuckle, Kondou scratched his head and tried to smile. “Sorry Yorozuya. It seems you were dragged into our business again.”

“Don’t expect me to help you this time!” He growled and occasionally punched the policeman purring like a cat beside him. It didn’t make him stop. “I just want you to get rid of him! I already have one stalker! I don’t need another!”

“It’s not that easy, Yorozuya-san.” The Commander pondered. “We’ve been chasing these criminals for months now, but we hadn’t had a hot trail yet. Though it seems, they’re on our tail now. To think Toushi would get poisoned like this…”

“And falling in love with _danna_ *, it’s just tough luck.” Okita grinned and grabbed his camera to take photos of them.

Before he could, however, Gintoki crushed the thing with his hand, a scary expression on his face. “Don’t make fun of me, Okita-kun. I’m in a very foul mood today.”

But Okita Sougo just smiled and shrugged it off. “Oh, though I don’t know why. You two are such a cute couple.”

“Want me to smash your rotten head, huh?” Really, Gin was not kidding about his mood.

“Calm down you two.” Kondou tried diplomatically and examined his guest carefully. “Yorozuya-san, this is a very delicate matter. The drug Toushi took is called _Love Potion_.  It’s a very strong drug sold on the black market right now. It makes someone fall in love with the person he or she first lays eyes upon. As far as we know, it lasts up to a few days, sometimes a week, and has several stages of how the persons are showing their affection. Vile citizens are using them to keep their loved ones drugged, so they can-“

“Hold your horses, man!” Gin interrupted him, his eyes squinting. “A few… _days_?!”

“Yes, it’s quite strong and lets the person involved fall insanely in love with someone. So we’re-“

But Gin wouldn’t let him finish. He was losing it. “Are you fucking kidding me? A few days, maybe a week?! Does that mean I have to endure this piece of shit even longer?  I don’t have time for this crap! Besides, didn’t we have something along these lines in a chapter some time ago*? Are you that uncreative? Are you that desperate?”

While Hijikata kissed Gintoki’s shoulder and got knocked down the same instant, Kondou scratched his cheek again. “Well, I’m sorry Yorozuya. There’s nothing we can do about it, really. Seems like you just have to endure it a little bit longer. We’re on it to solve the case.”

“No! NO!” He protested violently, standing up now. “This is unacceptable! I’ve always known you’re incompetent tax thieves, but this is as far as it goes! I will _not_ babysit this guy! Gin-san is an innocent citizen you have to protect! And in this case, it’s to protect me from your horny Vice Commander!”

“Really, there’s nothing we can do-“

“Throw him in a cell and let him rot there! I don’t care! He’s driving me crazy! I’ll kill him if this continues any further!”

“Danna.” Okita smiled. “We couldn’t possibly do that to our Vice Chief. Also, he would break out as soon as possible to be reunited with his lover anyway. So just bear with it a little longer.”

Gin’s eyes burned like fire and he breathed heavily, trying to threaten the two policemen. Okita just enjoyed the show, while Kondou watched the scene with a hopeless smile. “Sorry, Yorozuya.  Please take good care of Toushi. The effect should wear off in a few days anyway.”

Furious, Gin looked down to where the policeman was grinding himself against his arm. Hijikata shot him a smitten look and batted his eyes like crazy. “I love you, Gin-san! Let´s get married and have children!”

ONLY OVER HIS DEAD BODY!

 

 

* * *

 

 _*Ketsu no Ana_ means Asshole

* _Lolicon_ refers to a strong sexual desire in middle-aged man for girls and young women. Hence, Gintoki is calling Hijikata a pervert.

* _Danna_ means “boss”, Okita always calls Gintoki this

*Gintoki referres the Love Potion-Arc (Chapter 492-496)


	2. A devoted housewife

##  A devoted housewife

He woke up to the clattering of dishes and pots - a very unfamiliar sound coming from his kitchen. At first, his subconscious incorporated it into his dreams. He was dreaming of Ketsuno Ana making him breakfast, only dressed in a short, cute apron, her sweet butt showing from the side as she made him chocolate chip pancakes. He drooled in his sleep until he lay in a wet pool of salvia on his cushion. It took a few minutes until he realized that there was indeed a nice smell. The smell of bacon and half-boiled eggs and grilled mackerel with miso soup and tamagoyaki was drifting towards him, worsening the drool. As he woke up, he seriously considered he had died. Eying his Justaway alarm clock showing 8 am didn’t make it particularly better. He moaned and turned around to sleep some more, though his stomach growled in agony as the smell got stronger.

So he decided to get up and see what was going on. Maybe Shinpachi learned how to cook? Or maybe Ketsuno Ana was truly making him breakfast? As he shoved the _fusuma_ * open, he saw something right out of a dream - a miracle of a breakfast, neatly arranged and boiling hot. The table was served for four people, each seat decorated with a set of rice, fish, soup and several side dishes. On the biggest plate was a tower of pudding, his name written upon it with strawberry sauce. That was the first unbelievable thing. The second was a person in a cute apron. But it wasn’t Ketsuno Ana the weather lady. It was Hijikata Toushirou, demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi Edo Police. And he was kneeling before him, just like an obedient housewife.

“Good morning, my love! I prepared breakfast!”

Like a pile of rubble, Gintoki stood there and couldn’t believe his eyes. Like what? His gaze moved between the miracle of a breakfast and the ugly guy in the apron, who had a stupid smile on his face. What. The. Actual. Fuck.

“Huwah! What is that smell?” Sleepy, Kagura crawled out of the bedroom closet and rubbed her eyes. When she saw Hijikata though, her eyes almost rolled out of her skull.

The policeman in the apron smiled at her as well. “Good morning, lovely daughter. Did you sleep well?”

“D-daughter?” While Kagura was choking back vomit, she stared at her roommate. “Gin-chan… what the hell is happening here? Why is Toushii here wearing an apron?”

He just shook his head, still shocked. “Honestly… I have no idea…”

The Vice Chief got up and had a carefree smile. “My, my, what are you talking about? From today onwards, we’re a family - Father, mother, and daughter. And now get ready to eat, I made plenty of breakfast!”

Now, the urge to throw up got even stronger and Kagura had to hold her mouth shut. “Urgh! Oh my god, I’m gonna puke. I don’t know if I should find that disgusting or laughable…”

“Don’t be so rude, Kagura-chan.” The demonic Vice Chief in a cat apron complained. “And get here. I made _tamagohan*_ for you.”

And as fast as lightning, Kagura sat at the table, shoving food inside her mouth, her eyes flaring with hunger. “Itadakimasu!”

Happily, Hijikata looked at Gin and laughed with a hand covering his lips. “Come here darling, don’t let it get cold.”

Gintoki’s eyes twitched and he still couldn’t possibly comprehend what the hell was going on. He remembered now, kind of. Hijikata was on a drug, the love potion, making him unspeakably in love with him. Something along those lines. But it still didn’t quite explain the apron. Or Hijikata’s housewifey self. Or this magical breakfast. Since when was this brute able to cook like this?

“Darling, what is wrong?” Toushirou seemed bothered.

“N-nothing.” Gin felt a cold shiver sliding down his back. He jolted, but couldn’t shake it off. He was equally disgusted and frightened. “’s not what I expected waking up to today…”

“Why should it be weird?” The apron guy put rice in Gin’s bowl. “It’s quite normal for a loving wife to cook for her husband and daughter, for her to want to make her family happy.”

“U-uhu…”

“Right, Kagura-chan~?”

“Yeah, yeah, right. I don’t care as long as you keep the food coming!” She yapped as she shoved the breakfast in. “God, finally we got some real food in the house! Toshii! If you keep this up, you do whatever you want with Gin-chan. I’ll even be your daughter, so buy me lots of sukonbo, when you get home!”

“Oi, Kagura!” Finally, Gin thawed and glared at her angrily. “Don’t sell me for a piece of pickled seaweed!”

“Shut it, geezer! I was starving while living with you! Now, since Toshii is my mother, I finally get the food I deserve! So shut up and be a good husband!”

“Oiii! Since when are you on his side?! Is this all someone needs to buy you? Sweaty tasting green algae?”

She shot him an angry look and then continued ravaging the breakfast table. “Stop talking to me you good-for-nothing father and go get some work!”

“Kch, Kagura!”

“Shitsureishimasu!” Someone yelled at the entrance and Gintoki got a headache. When was this nightmare finally going to end?

As Shinpachi waltzed into this obscure scenario, he almost bit his tongue. Hijikata greeted him with a smile, his mentor was massaging his forehead and Kagura was shoving down a gigantic bowl of rice without even a sign of breathing.

“Ah, Shinpachi-chan! You’re finally here! Come sit down, son!”

“S-son? Shinpachi-chan?”

Gintoki sighted heavily, still utterly disgusted and increasingly annoyed. “This son of a bitch was drugged and now thinks he´s my wife…”

“What? Why? I don’t…”

“Me neither… but I guess there’s no helping it now.” The silver-haired man eyed the former swordsman with a nauseated look. Well, at least like this he was bearable. As long as he didn’t touch or kiss him, that was. Though, the sight still made him want to vomit. This was even worse than the time he turned into a hopeless otaku. Capitulating, he finally sat down and picked up the chopsticks.

“Oh, darling!” Hijikata chimed and put his head on Gintoki’s shoulder. “You humble me by eating my food. Does it taste to your liking?”

“Don’t touch me you pervert!” The Yorozuya spat. “Be thankful I eat your dog food in the first place!”

“Everything you want, darling!” The man with the blue eyes piped again and followed his wish obediently.

Shinpachi just stood and stared, not fully understanding anything of this. Who the hell was this character? Who was this obedient housewife with neither pride nor soul? Was this really the prideful, tough and eccentric, headstrong strategist of the government police? Was this still Hijikata Toushirou, the man Gin-san had so many battles with? Was there some of him left inside?

At last, Shinpachi settled at the breakfast table, although he couldn’t really stomach food at this moment. He still watched the obscure scenery evolve before his eyes. As Hijikata grew more love-crazed, Gin-san got even crueler and harsher. Right until his sadistic side popped out eventually and he started exploiting the situation.

“Yo Hijikata-kuun!” A nasty, mocking smile distorted Gin’s face now, as he felt himself on the safe side. “Your food is actually not half as bad. Go make me some chocolate parfait for lunch.”

“Right away!” Was the only answer of a completely different person.

“And while you’re at it: how about cleaning the house? The bath hasn’t been scrubbed since the last time Shinpachi did a sorry job on it. Also, I’m a little short on money, so give me some. You’re rich, right? And I want the new JUMP, so go buy me one, you rotten piece of crap.”

“Oi…” Shinpachi’s eyes twitched and he pushed up his glasses. “Aren’t you going a little bit too far, Gin-san?”

“What? If Gin-chan is getting all of this, I want something too! Like, buy me a new game! I want Dragon Hunter xXx!”

“Fine, fine. This guy is rich anyway.” Gin grinned devilishly. “Heh, having a wife is not half as bad. Even if it’s such an ugly one as this one.”

“Gin-san…”

“Toshii!” The red-haired girl started bossing around. “I want to take a nap, so take Sadaharu for a stroll! And go buy me some ice cream on the way back!”

“Everything for you two, my dear!”

“Oi!” The glasses guy protested violently. “How low could you two sink? Stop exploiting Hijikata-san! This is just mean!” 

“Shut it, Patsuan!” Gintoki growled. “This guy ruined my precious date with Ketsuno Ana and he’s been a pain in the ass ever since. Imagine someone like him falling in love with you because of a stupid drug. I am stuck with him because of his incompetence! And at least like this, he’s useful! So leave me alone! As long as he’s my wife, I can order him around as much as I like!”

“Grr, you’re unbelievable!” The young boy hated seeing Hijikata-san so weak and defenseless. It was just like the time he was possessed by that sword. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. “Hijikata-san, I know you might not be able to think straight right now, but you don’t need to take this. Don’t let yourself be harassed by these two.”

“Oh but it’s no problem, Shinpachi-chan.” Hijikata smiled as out of character as could be. He shot a timid glance to Gintoki and even blushed a little. “It’s okay the way it is. I’m happy if I can just be by his side. Besides, we’re a family and I want all the best for you. So don’t worry. Your father and I, we’re gonna work things out.”

“Eh…” Just why did he feel like the main character of a family drama now, where the parents were close to getting a divorce? “I-is that so?”

Hijikata chuckled and looked towards the silver-haired samurai with a doting expression, just like a girl in a shojo manga would do. Shinpachi froze at that, his forehead frowning. He wondered how this drug might work. As off as it seemed, he pondered if, at this very moment, Hijikata’s feelings could be genuine. The boy with the glasses shook his head. No, no way. Hijikata-san would never act like this if he were in love with someone. Though… how would he behave being around someone he loved? Shinpachi couldn’t help but wonder.

 

~ ~ ~

                                     

Whistling, Sakata Gintoki strolled down the street, flipping and catching a few Yen coins over and over again. He was on his way to his favorite Pachinko parlor to make a fortune. Looking at it from this perspective, his situation wasn’t half as bad. The rotten Vice Chief never spent his money on anything and didn’t know how to live. So naturally, he had a lot of money saved up. And since he wanted to be his wife so badly, Gintoki could use _all_ of his money. Well, he never would have thought there could be a bright side to this weird situation.

He told the freak to stay at home and clean his apartment, while he was splashing his cash. Served him right, this annoying cop. And Gin couldn’t be happier. Maybe he should save some money for booze later. With all of this money, he might even go to that place with the cute cabaret girls. Being surrounded by this homo, he sure as hell craved the sight of some nice ta-tas. The thought alone made him chuckle. Oh, today was going to be _so much fun._

 

It was almost evening and Gin really had made a big win at Pachinko. His mood couldn’t be better. He was surrounded by beautiful cabaret girls serving him their finest sake. Two of them even cuddled themselves against him and rested their heads on his shoulder, stroking his chest passionately. Gin was laughing like a maniac and looked like a pimp in doing so. He didn’t care, he just wanted to have fun. And after all the homosexual jokes they made on his account, he felt he deserved this more than anyone. He pushed the two ladies towards him and chuckled, as he drank his sake. Never in hell would he have guessed that horrible day would turn out like this.

It wasn’t for long, though. Of course not.

As Sakata Gintoki enjoyed himself with the cabaret girls, getting fed strawberry ice cream by one of them, someone entered the nightclub with clenched fists. He recognized him the moment it was too late. The voice trembled, deep and frightening.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, bastard…”

“Hah?” Was the only thing that poured out of Gin’s mouth before a hand hit his face so hard, he almost flew right out of the booth. Cursing, the silver-haired man looked up his cheek red and hurting as hell. “What the-? Don’t interrupt me in my-“

_Oh-oh._

A very angry Hijikata stood before him, his eyes two black holes giving off an aura of pure destruction. Hadn’t he still worn the cute little apron, Gin would have mistaken him for the real deal. Still, this man was mighty frightening, giving the cabaret girls one hell of a scare. “I asked what the hell you’re doing here, you bastard?”

Gintoki gulped, though he didn’t let himself be swayed. His look turned arrogant again and he fell back into his sadistic mode. “What I am doing here? What are you doing here, bastard? I thought you were busy cleaning and cooking. I’m just having fun, so scram!”

But it didn’t work this time. Hijikata still clenched his fists, his eyes locked tight on him. “I can see you’re having fun. With the money _I_ earned, you stinking bastard.”

“I-I can do whatever I want.” Gin protested, tough weaker this time. What the hell was going on here?

“Of course you would think that, you rotten piece of shit! This is how you treat me? After I worked my ass off for you?”

“I don’t have time for this!” The Yorozuya tried more confidently and dominantly this time. “Go back home!”

But his self-acclaimed wife didn’t stop, he grew even louder and more reproachfully. “Gladly, as long as you come with me!”

Why wasn’t it working? Why was this guy being so pushy? “Kch, you can’t order me around! I’m staying!” Demonstratively, he leaned back again and closed his eyes.

“Oh, I can’t order you around, but _you_ can?! You weren’t like this when we married! How can you behave like this? How can you treat me this way? This is your thanks after I bore you two beautiful children?”

“You’re a _guy_ , dammit! You can’t bear children!” Gin screamed, getting pissed now. This freak had been a purring cat this morning. How did he turn into an angry, violent and jealous housewife?

His _wife_ spat and seemed close to tears. The cabaret girls around him were visibly confused. Although such scenes were pretty standard procedure here, this particular one was truly odd. And even that was an understatement.

“Is this how you want it to end, yes? Do you want to break up our happy family? Or is it you don’t love me anymore?”

God, Gin could feel the weird looks laying on him. He had to defend his honor. Pissed, he stared back. “I never loved you in the first place! Hell, I love boobs, okay? And who would ever want to be together with someone like you! I would appreciate it if you finally left me the hell alone, bastard!”

 

For a moment, the whole room turned silent. The only sound left was the heavy breathing of Gintoki. Everyone was staring at them, but he didn’t care. He was the victim here!

Then, another sound broke through the room. As Hijikata Toushirou lifted his head, they could see tears. He was gripping his own upper arm and looked hurt. He really did look hurt. The broke samurai swallowed. Suddenly, he felt the whole mood shift against him.

“Is that how you really feel?” His voice trembled under the tears. “Is that how you felt all along? Does my love for you really… mean nothing to you?”

Oi oi, this was not boding well. He glanced through the room and sure as hell, the beautiful faces of the cabaret girls turned cold and disgusted. What the hell?

“You really are a heartless bastard.” Hijikata’s head dropped and he smiled badly hurt. “I gave you everything… but it seems it still wasn’t enough. I love you so much… so why are you treating me this way?”

My god, this was a scene right out of a TV-show! Gin grew angry. Why was he depicted as the bad one here? This was so unfair! At this rate, his reputation was going down the drain! Though as stubborn as he was, he only made it worse.

He turned to the girls instead. “My god, don’t look at me like that! It’s not as it seems! We’re not together! He’s on a drug, dammit! He doesn’t really love me! God, for heaven´s sake, we’re two guys!”

The faces he tried to convince only grew more distant, even colder. He heard some of them whisper. “What? He drugged him to love him just to spend all his money? What a jerk.”

This was it, Gin couldn’t take it anymore. He jumped up and pointed at Hijikata angrily.

“God, this is all your fault, you psycho cop! Don’t make a scene to make me look bad! This is entirely your fault! I’m innocent! I’m _innocent_!”

The only reply he got this time was a broken smile from the tear-laden face of the dark-haired man. He shook his head and bit his lip. “I’m sorry, I’m such a bother to you.” Then, he turned around and stormed out.

“Oiiiii!” Gin’s eyes almost popped out. “You bastard! Don’t make me look like the bad one here! I will kick your sorry ass! You will regret this!”

“That’s it!” A tall man with muscles for a body dug his nails into Gintoki’s shoulder. He was the bodyguard of this club and he was not amused. “Breaking someone’s heart, causing a ruckus here and now even threatening domestic violence. That’s it, mister. You’re banned from this club effected immediately.”

“What?!” Gintoki shrieked with a high-pitched noise. “No! I can explain, _I can explain!”_

He didn’t have time for that.

 

A few minutes later, Gin was a wobbling piece of junk thrown in the back alley of the nightclub. He looked as if his soul was leaking out of his body again, forming a ghostly blob coming out of his mouth. He still couldn’t believe what just happened. They couldn’t be serious, could they? _He_ was the troublemaker? Poor little Gin-san? To hell with that! This was just unfair…

“Gintoki-sama.” Another familiar voice sounded from behind and made him gain consciousness again.

Startled, he looked at a pale face and oily dark red eyes. “Tama?”

The robot girl in the cute maid outfit gave him a smile and her usual piercing look. “What are you doing here?” Gin asked her partly relieved to see a friendly face, partly nervous because she always knew exactly what was going on inside of him.

She pointed at the club and explained in her usual, monotonous voice. “The owner of the nightclub asked Gengai-sama to repair a broken ice-machine, so he sent me on the errand.”

Gin swallowed, a little bit of sweat breaking out on his forehead. “So… you’ve been in there?”

“Yes.” What a simple answer. Though, Gintoki knew she had seen everything.

Ah damn hell! He scratched his head and pouted. “Keh! Don’t say anything, okay?”

“Why not?” She tilted her head, clueless. “Are you ashamed?”

“Like hell!” He protested fiercely and crossed his arms. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I was set up, that’s all.”

“Why are you so upset, Gintoki-sama?” It was an honest question he knew that. She didn’t intent the pun either.

“Why?” He looked away, frustrated. “Because this psycho cop is ruining everything! First my date with Ketsuno Ana, now this! He’s an even bigger pain in the ass now than he was before! I just wanna kill him, urgh!”

“Speaking of which: Hijikata-san seemed off today. Was he all right? Did he use the _Tamago Kake Gohan-machine_ * again?”

“Pfft!” The former rebel leaned against the wall and waved her off. “Nothing is alright with this man, especially not with his head. But yeah, some terrorists kinda drugged him. And now he’s in love with me and follows me around all day long. So annoying!”

For a moment, Tama said nothing. She just stood there, looking at him. It was creeping him out. As she didn’t move after another long moment passed, Gin knocked on her head.

“Hey? Did your program freeze or something? You need a reboot?”

She batted her eyelids and smiled at him apologetically. “Oh, no nothing. Just compared something in my database.”

He had no idea what she was talking about and frankly, he didn’t want to know either. He was still pissed at the situation. “Anyways, he will pay for this. Embarrassing me like this, setting me up like this. This guy has some nerves.”

The mecha girl pondered and tilted her head again. “Gintoki-sama, may I ask you a question?”

“Sure…”

“You are saying that Hijikata-san was drugged and is now in love with you?”

“Yeah?”

“And you were using his money to amuse yourself?”

“Uh… yeah? So what! I can do whatever I want, are you my mother or what?”

She eyed him silently. Her look pierced and reached right through to him like a dagger to his stomach. “Gintoki-sama, since when are you the kind of man to exploit a situation like that?”

This girl always hit bull’s eyes with her words. That’s what he hated about her sometimes. He looked away, grinding his teeth. “He owed me anyway. He never paid me for helping him out when we saved his stupid-ass Shinsengumi…”

“But he was crying, wasn’t he? You said some pretty hurtful things.”

“That’s what I always do! That’s my character!” He shot a short glance at her, his heart pounding louder. “And besides, this jerk is not even himself! He’s not really in love with me, it was the drug speaking. So who cares?”

Her eyes continued to plow through him like she was using a fork to stir his innards. At least, that was how her words felt like. “Does it really matter if these are his true feelings or a drug speaking through him? You clearly hurt him.”

“Tsk!” He turned away, trying to hide his growing remorse. Futile, he knew. He was getting angry with her for stirring up this regret. Though, he knew she was right. “You’re a real bother, you know that?”

She smiled again. “Besides… Hijikata-san didn’t choose to be in this situation either, right? He is a victim, just as you are.”

“Yeah, sure… a victim.” He mocked and started walking away from her. “Why do I always have to be dragged into this kinda mess?”

Tama looked at his back, still continuing to smile. She could feel the echo of his beating heart inside her metal body. Today, she could finally add a piece of data she had been lacking for a while now. And she was happy about it, very happy.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Sakata Gintoki was very unhappy.

Pouting, kicking pebbles on his way, he walked down the street. He had no real goal, just needed to get away from crazy chicks like Tama. Sometimes, when she looked at him, it was as though she could see right into the abyss of his soul. And sometimes, there were things he didn’t want her to see. Things he had forgotten or things he didn’t want to acknowledge. He felt uncomfortable to have her around at these moments. Though it was true: she was one of his closest friends. Maybe the one who knew him best. Annoyed, he closed his eyes and didn’t want to think about it anymore. It gave him a headache.

In a pretty foul mood, he strolled down the street without paying attention at all. He must’ve walked quite a while because he suddenly realized he was at a lake. As he lifted his head, he saw the shimmering water surface with ducks and little boats and leaves falling between them. The sun was setting and its bright red light made the water look like it was on fire. Except for a few children playing kick the can in the distance, it was quiet. For a moment, he paused to take a good look at it. Inside him was nothing but emptiness and still a little bit of anger.

“Kch!” Stupid. He turned away and wanted to go home. As he opened his eyes, however, he saw a familiar figure sitting on a bench next to him. It was Hijikata – of course. He lost the apron, but not his sad eyes. With a hurt expression, he looked at the lake as well.

“Oh, come on!” Gintoki complained and held his head. Great, what’s next?! Who was writing this script? This was really a bit too much, wasn’t it?

The Vice Chief glanced at him but didn’t respond. The Yorozuya glared back, still pissed. Still, he figured it might be a good thing to apologize… a bit. So he came closer, only a few steps, grumbling and bitching like he always did.

“So here’s where you ran off to. I swear to god: next time you make such a scene, I’ll butcher you right on the spot.”

No reaction. The policeman just stared at him, still hurt and a little bit angry.

Gintoki folded his arms and frowned at him. “What? What’re you looking at? Don’t blame it on me! How the hell am I supposed to deal with a situation like this? I told you to stay the hell away from me!”

Frankly, he wasn’t really good at apologizing.

When he still got no reply, he closed his eyes and pouted. “Hmph! This is ridiculous! Me apologizing to you? I don’t even know who I should apologize to, anyway! You’re not even yourself, so what’s the point?”

Suddenly, Hijikata Toushirou rose. Gin glanced at him.

“Hey, don’t take this the wrong way. I still detest you and if you touch me, I will kill you. You hear me?”

He certainly did though he seemed not to care. Instead, he turned his back to him and left. The Yorozuya stayed behind with a dumbfounded expression. As he grasped the situation, he grew furious again and started shouting after him.

“Tsk! Don’t come back, _bakayaro_ *!” Why did he even bother? Assface…

 

“ _Danna_ , what are you doing here?”

The silver-haired samurai glanced over his shoulder and snarled. Really? Were all these idiots waiting for their appearance behind some kind of magical door? Or why the hell did they start sprouting everywhere?

Okita Sougo smiled innocently at him, his hands buried in his pockets, his teeth chewing his favorite bubble gum. “You two lovers having a fight?”

“Don’t give me that crap!” Irritated, the silver-haired samurai slumped down onto the nearest bench and cursed the whole world. He wanted to punch someone so badly. “God, I hate this guy. This guy and you tax thieves for dragging me into this situation.”  

Okita chuckled and examined him closely. “Danna, don’t be like that. It’s not like anyone is enjoying this.” Except for him, of course.

“I don’t get it! It seems like your idiotic Vice Commander changes his personality every minute. Just this morning he was an obedient housewife and before you know it, he turns into a raging, sobbing _Tendo Akane_ *!”

“Didn’t you listen to a word we said?” A bubble of his gum burst, as he was eying him seemingly uninterested. “People under the influence of this drug go through several stages of love. Eventually, it will abate, but before that, his love for you will grow stronger and stronger.”

“Great.” Gintoki gaged, holding his head. “I already had enough. Please keep him off of me.”

Okita grinned thinly. “Sorry boss, can’t do that. Seems like Hijikata-san is in a stalker phase now, a phase where he is feverishly in love with you. Although, that seems to be over now considering the cold look he gave you just now.”

“Is this a freaking movie to you? How long have you been spying on us, huh?”

Ignoring that, the blond man looked into the distance. “Well, seems like things are just getting started. From now on, this will be getting serious.”

Again, the samurai held his head. “God, anything but that.”

“Well, I wonder if Hijikata-san will remember anything.” Sougo pondered, grinning while fetching something from the pockets of his uniform. “Though I’ll be making sure he will.”

The Yorozuya glanced at him. When he saw what the cop held between his fingers, his eyes widened. Sougo was fanning himself with a few photos. Photos that depicted certain people in rather uncommon situations. The smile he wore was that of a true demon.

And suddenly, he understood. The former Joui patriot growled and shot the police officer a mad look. “It was you, wasn’t it?”

“Hee?” He asked innocently and grinned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Furious, Gintoki rose and pointed his finger at him. “God, I should have known! You were the one drugging him! You’re the wrongdoer, dammit!”

Okita just shrugged and chewed his gum. “Don’t worry, danna. I just wanna take some pictures and blackmail Hijikata for a while. I need money for a new I-pod. You’re just collateral damage.”

“Why youuuu!” He grinded his teeth and clenched his fist. “I don’t care what you do with him, but why do you _always_ drag _me_ into it!”

“Ah.” The policeman smiled again. “That’s quite simple. You’re the one person he detests most. When it’s about you, he’s ticking off as soon as I mention your name. So when picking a person he should fall in love with, you were the obvious choice. He would rather die than have these photos circling around. Oh and also, it’s really fun.”

“Okita-kun…” His voice trembled. “He’s not the only one who’ll kill you, you know that, right?”

But the swordsman didn’t let himself be threatened like this. He just smiled. “I really don’t know why. You’re such a cute couple.”

“For you to torture, you mean!”

“Anyways, gotta go.” He waved him goodbye. “Gotta develop some more photos! See ya round!”

Sakata Gintoki looked like a demon right out of a horror movie. His nostrils flared, his eyes burnt in a revengeful fire and his breath was like hot steam. He couldn’t believe this brat. He just… couldn’t!

“Okitaaaaa-kuuuuuuuunnnn!”

He was going to kill him. He was seriously going to kill him!

 

 

* * *

 

 _*Fusuma_ is the Japanese sliding paper door.

* _Tamagohan_ as in short for _Tamago Kake Gohan_ is a popular, very simple Japanese breakfast dish. It’s basically just rice with raw egg and soy sauce, so a very undemanding food. It’s also one of Kagura’s favorite.

* _Tamago Kake Gohan-machine_ as used in the Chapter 470-476 (Soul Switch arc).

* _Bakayaro_ is an insult Gin uses often for Hijikata, it means „Fuck you“ or „Idiotic asshole“.

* _Tendo Akane_ is the female protagonist of the series Ranma ½, who is known for her short and violent temper.


	3. Bad Boys

##  Bad boys

 

He hadn’t seen him since then. When he had returned home that day, there had been no sign of Hijikata anywhere. Admittedly, the fridge had been full of prepared meals and love letters. But apart from that, no sign of him. It was almost uncanny. Like the calm before the storm.

He had a rather peaceful evening and an eventless night. Seemed as if he had really scared him off. Could it be that the potion wore off already? Or maybe that he had given up on him? Oh god, this would be too good to be true. And that was the problem, exactly. In his world, this only meant more trouble. So he waited.

Paranoid, he watched his back ever since. Always prepared for some psycho to jump on him and shower him with kisses. So far, even the morning of the next day had been nothing but the usual. Kagura and him fighting over the leftovers, Shinpachi bitching around, Gin going out for a walk. He was on his way to another job offer right now, even though it seemed quite boring, to begin with. Something about a lost cat again. Man, the things he did for money…

He was passing a bridal store when he heard a shrieking voice that caused his nails to curl. “Ginnnnn-saaaaan!”

The next thing he knew was that something clung to him, grinding itself to his side and trying to get under his clothes. He didn’t need to look to see who it was. And so, as sure as the sun rose in the morning, he got pissed.

“Ginnn-san! I missed you so much! Hah?! A bridal shop? So you’re finally shopping for our wedding! Ahhhh, you’re too sweet! I can’t believe it’s finally happening! Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

Gin gave her a clout and growled. “Get off of me you pervert woman! Like hell, I’m marrying you! Get your head out of your ass!”

Sarutobi Ayame ignored that as always and got even hornier. “Ahhh, Gin-san! Don’t be so mean! If there’s anything getting stuck in my ass, it will be your-“

Another punch sent her flying now. God, he lost one stalker and a new one popped out? Talking about a bad start. He began walking off and scratched his head. Hell, he couldn’t deal with her right now.

However, as sure as the moon rose at night, she appeared before him again, batting her eyes at him sweetly. “Gin-san! Don’t leave me like that! We don’t need to marry just yet! I’m not that old-fashioned! I’m all for sex before marriage, ya know?”

“Leave me the hell alone! I’m not in the mood for this!” Showing her a cold shoulder, he walked past her.

“But Gin-saaaan!” She hugged him again from the back. “I already shaved, ya know? I’m all ready for you! So hurry up and do me, already! I already booked a love hotel for us! There we can ***** and **** and I will **** your ***”

“Shut it, woman!” He pushed her away. “Don’t make me get serious! I don’t want my reputation to go down the drain for real! I already have been reported for domestic violence!”

“Ahhh~, Gin-san!” The kunoichi squealed, sucking his cheek and climbing him like a mountain. “You can punish me all you want! Get serious with me! Ahhhhh~ Gin-saaaaan~!”

“Hey, you there…”

Sarutobi hugged him from the front now, trying to steal a kiss. Gintoki seemed disgusted and shoved her off.

“Hey!” The voice grew louder, harsher and attracted their attention.

As they looked for the cause of the bark, they barely recognized the person standing before them. It was a man with neatly styled dark hair and cold eyes blue as an indigo sky. He wore knee-high boots, a dark vest, and a long cloak. A cigarette was stuck between his lips, as he touched the hilt of his sword eagerly. He looked like the incarnation of a devil. And his mad eyes were locking them as a target. “Get your dirty hands off him. I hate shameless women like you.”

Gin’s eyes almost popped out and he instantly knew the danger he was in. He knew it! He knew he would appear again! Damn, this guy had some timing! Also, he seemed to have changed again. And he wasn’t talking about his clothes. Why would he wear his movie outfit anyway! Had he suddenly matured to 5 years in the future or what?

The girl with the lilac hair clinging to the samurai looked surprised for a moment before her face grew still. “Who’re you calling a shameless woman? And what do you care anyway?  Who the hell are you?”

Hijikata Toushirou grinned and set off an aura of pure arrogance and destruction. “Who I am? I am his boyfriend.”

That’s it. Gintoki’s soul was saying goodbye again, fleeing out of his mouth and leaving him unconscious and frozen behind.

Sa-chan looked startled, then she chuckled. “You? His boyfriend? Don’t make me laugh!”

“I wasn’t intending to. And now get off of him, you filthy bitch.”

“What did you just call me, you homo?!” All of the sudden, she looked more serious. She let go of her beloved Gin-san and faced her opponent directly.

“You’re in my way, woman. This man is mine and mine alone. I won’t share him with anyone! And most of all, I will protect him from stalkers like you!” Hijikata bent his knees a bit, getting into his fighting stance.

_You’re the stalker here!_ Gintoki tripped a few steps backwards and couldn’t believe his eyes. People started staring again, making him blush a little. God, how could these two idiots embarrass him like that all the time? Usually, he didn’t mind being a trophy, women fought over. It was a compliment. But this time, it was just plain awkward.

It was Sarutobi´s turn to draw her weapons. A few kunai appeared between the fingers of the shinobi. “Don’t flatter yourself! If anyone’s gonna hop on Gin-chan´s *** it’s me!”

“Get out of my way!” He attacked, swift as lighting. “I won’t let anyone near him! _He’s mine!”_

“In your dreams! He’s mine!” She yelled out, as she dodged the attack skillfully. In reply, she shot a few kunai in his direction.

His fighting senses were as sharp as always, evading the weapons while turning around and slashing out to her. “He’s my boyfriend and I won’t let you touch him ever again!”

“You’re completely off! Gin-san wants a **** not your filthy ***!“

They broke out into an open battle, throwing attacks and insults at each other like a pair of jealous demons. It took quite a while for them to realize they were abandoned. Their beloved Gin-san was nowhere to be seen.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Hell, he hated them! He hated them and the sadistic Okita and the space criminals who brought this drug to earth! Gintoki was still running, wanting to get as far away from those two maniacs as possible. He couldn’t take this anymore! This was a nightmare!

Out of breath, he finally stopped. He had run quite a while and surely brought a fair distance between him and them. He really didn’t need this now. He had his hands full with one stalker already, always embarrassing him in public. The last thing he needed was another one as crazy as the demonic Vice Commander. Was this what Okita-kun had talked about? Was the potion getting stronger? Was it making this guy stronger? Turning him into a violent, agro cop? Not that this was a new thing, but this time was more serious. And what was _he_ turning into, anyway? A female protagonist of some kind of cheap shojo novel? Was he being transformed into a price to be won while an obsessive bad boy wanted to get inside his pants? No way in hell would he allow this!

Heavily breathing, the samurai blinked and wiped his mouth. He was taking shelter in a back alley, hoping to elude the hungry eyes of stalkers. Honestly, he didn’t sign up for that. All he had wanted from the start was a date with his favorite weather lady! Why was the world so unfair?! Why was it always him being tortured like this?! Wasn’t he the protagonist of this whole show? Didn’t he deserve better? Didn’t he?

The drama queen sighed and closed his eyes, scratching his head. Man, this was really turning into a mess. Maybe he should go on a vacation without telling anyone where he went. This way, he could get rid of both of these losers. And when he came back, everything would be normal again. Yeah, that sounded about right. But only where to? Maybe Okinawa? Nah, this time of year it was way too hot. Then, maybe Sapporo? At least, he could drink decent beer there.

He was about to make the first step to his newly found freedom when he was halted again. A familiar figure stood before him, his back encircled by broad daylight making Gintoki blink for a second. When he recognized the boots and coat and the cold look, he gulped. How fast was this guy? And he didn’t even break a sweat? Wasn’t even out of breath? You had to be kidding him!

Without a word, Hijikata Toushirou walked towards him. Twitchy, Gin stumbled a few steps back, holding his hands above his chest, trying to calm him down. “He-Hey wait! Don’t come any closer!”

The demonic Vice Chief didn’t listen. He had his eyes locked on him like a wolf had on its prey. And as sure as the wolf stalked its prey until it broke down in exhaustion, Gintoki knew he couldn’t run from him. Damn it!

He couldn’t really shake the feeling of being intimidated by him, or rather the person he was right now. There was no way to tell what he was up to now. He needed to be cautious. The Yorozuya was still on defense, eyeing him suspiciously. “Wh-What do you want, huh? I thought I told you, you should leave me the hell alone.”

Again, the cop didn’t reply, his eyes cold and full of a strange glow. He sure as hell had an overwhelming aura around him. Gintoki shivered for a second, as the man cornered him and made him hit the wall. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

For a long moment, the man standing before him and pushing his back against the wall with his presence alone said nothing. He just eyed him from head to toe with a blank expression. Gintoki wanted to throw something at him, though he didn’t know what. He had this urge to tease him, but he didn’t want to provoke him just yet. He needed an overview of the situation first.

Finally, the policeman opened his mouth, his voice deep and brutal. “I think you know exactly what I want.”

Oh god, how cheesy was this going to get? He really felt like a high school girl now and although he occasionally dressed up as one for jobs, he didn’t like it one bit! Irritated, he tried to get away from him, pressing his back even more against the wall. “Well, you can’t have it! Gin-san is already in love with someone else, so give up already.”

He took another step towards him. “You’re my boyfriend. I won’t let anyone else have you!”

“And I hate clingy chicks! I only belong to myself! And Ketsuno Ana!” This was his chance. He used the wall as a counterbalance and slashed at him, aiming his punch right at his face.

His attack grazed Hijikata’s cheek and hair. The man was faster, however. The next thing he knew, Gintoki was grabbed and dragged into his arms, one hand buried in his hair, the other on his hip. And a pair of cigarette reeking lips pressing against his.

It was a brisk and hard kiss, though fierce and passionate at the same time. He was pressed against a warm body, bent over backwards and being held so as to prevent him from falling. Gintoki’s eyes stood wide open and he couldn’t move for a second. He froze entirely and looked shocked at the dark strands of hair dangling in front of him.

A moment later, Hijikata ended the kiss and looked him deep into the eyes, still pressing against him. His gaze was serious and possessive. “You’re mine now, Gintoki. Don’t forget that.”

Gently, the shabby samurai shoved him away and crouched down, holding his mouth. He was getting sick. “Urgh… I think I need to puke…”

Traumatized, he rocked himself back and forth. Oh god, hopefully, Okita didn’t see this. _Oh god_ , hopefully, he didn’t have the chance to take any pictures! He felt queasy and his heartbeat accelerated. God, why did his first kiss in a long time had to reek of cigarettes?!

“Gintoki.” The cop touched his shoulder.

“Keep your hands off of me!” This time, Gin was not in the mood to take it slow. He punched his hand away and got on his feet again. Angrily, he eyed him, growling. “You damn maniac! Are you daft? How dare you?”

Hijikata looked at him, unimpressed. And that poured more oil into his raging fire. He hated him! He was sick of him!

“Leave me the hell alone! You gross me out! Urgh! I swear: if you kiss me again, I. Will. End. Your. Life!”

Abruptly, the blue eyes squinted and he moved. The next moment, Gintoki was shoved against the wall again, violently this time. He hit his head and felt Hijikata’s body pressing against him, leaving him almost no space to even breathe. The drugged man grabbed his jaw, squeezing it tightly, while his look drilled through him. “Don’t make me repeat myself. You’re mine now and I can do whatever I want. Are we clear?”

Gin bore the pain, cursing silently. Damn, he forgot how strong this guy was. His heart started racing and pounded rigorously against his rips. So it really got worse, didn’t it? So this was what this drug was capable of? Turning a man with zero interest in love into an abusing, possessive creep?  He grimaced and retorted with a broken smile. Love potion or not, this was something he wouldn’t put up with.

“No, we’re not clear, _pal_. Release me now or you’ll regret it.”

“Oh?” Hijikata had this kind of sadistic face that normally suited Gintoki best. “What do you plan on doing?”

And his lover returned the evil smile, coming with a hard heat butt. Cursing, the Shinsengumi officer stumbled backwards, his opponent taking the chance to give him a knockout punch right to the face. With a loud crack, the stalker crashed against the wall on the other side. Nevertheless, he wasn’t down just yet, holding his spinning head instead. _Tough bastard_ , Gintoki cursed inaudibly. His fist burnt a little, as his eyes locked on his enemy.

“Listen, you maniac. Just because you’re drugged doesn’t mean I will spare you. Do something like this again, and I _will_ send you to the nearest hospital. Although I may like some rough S &M play, I won’t ever fall for someone like you. I don’t belong to anyone. Are we clear?”

Cringing in pain, Hijikata looked at him, wiping away a thin trail of blood coming out of his nose. “Gintoki…”

“And don’t call me by that name. It creeps me out.” He came closer, looking at him disgustedly.

The cop grinned and stood up. “If I can’t have you… then nobody will.” Screaming, he attacked him again. But Gin didn’t bother fighting him. He dodged the fist and thrust his knee right into Hijikata’s crotch. As his stalker went down with foam sprouting off his mouth, the silver-haired samurai looked down on him.

“God, if you could hear yourself, you would die of embarrassment, ya know?” Disgusted, he turned around, leaving him to rot in the dust. “Stay put till you turn normal again. And don’t even _think_ about trying this shit on me again. This is my last warning, ya hear me? Damn rotten to the core cop…”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Another round for me…” He lulled and glanced at the shopkeeper.

Said man glanced back at the run-down samurai with the red cheeks and the wobbling body. “I think you had enough tonight, mister.”

“Haaah?” Gintoki complained and bumped his fist onto the table of the little booth. It was the small _Oden booth_ * he visited from time to time. The old man was one of the few who would write his orders on a tab. He helped him fight off some criminals once, so he was on his good side. And tonight, he really needed a drink. After the incident with the maniac stalker, he hadn’t been able to relax. He was too afraid to return home for _he_ could be waiting there. He had been too afraid to go to the job because _he_ could have been there. Dang, he´d been so restless ever since he eventually came to this place to calm down. Luckily, he hadn’t seen him for the last few hours. So, he had been drinking and eating and drinking and eating…

“I’m serious, no more for you.” The old man folded his arms and looked serious. “I can’t let a customer die of alcohol poisoning on my watch. Whatever it is you’re trying to forget, you certainly already forgot.”

“Hell no… I wish I could forget…” He mumbled. The scene was burnt inside his skull. Even now he couldn’t get it out of his system. That sorry bastard…

“So? What’s your name again?”

“Mai nehm is… Sa… Sahakatah Gintokee!” The drunk idiot shouted and looked at the old man furiously. “And ’m one of the Four Devas of Kabukicho now, so gihve me anotha drink!”

“No way.” He shook his head. “Besides, I want to close the shop, so could you pay up now?”

“Gnaa, painintheass!” Gintoki complained and put his head on the table, looking into nothingness. He didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to meet anyone now. He didn’t want to face reality. He just wanted to ignore any of this ever happened. Along with this undefined feeling he had when remembering it. Along with this pain in his chest, the scratching of something he didn’t want to get too deep into. He didn’t want to think of him any longer…

“I will cover his tab.”

“Oh? Ah, it’s you. Long time no see. But are you sure? This good-for-nothing has quite a tab.”

“I don’t mind.”

The silver-haired samurai wasn’t even paying attention. He just heard someone was willing to pay for his orders. So he went with it. “Hell yeahr! Someone pay mai taeb! ‘s is the least you can du, _hick_!”

“That’ll be 13.500 Yen then, mister.”

“Tsk, really, what a glutton.”

“Haaa?” Gintoki looked up to the person, but he could only see a blurred figure.

And the figure seemed to look at him. “I will take him home.”

“That’s too nice of you!” The old man chimed and counted the money he had been given.

The broke samurai complained and sucked on his already empty sake cup. “Noh way! I will stee hia and keep on drinking, _hick_!”

The next moment, he felt an arm wrapping around his body, raising him up and supporting him. “Don’t be silly. You’re already drunk off your ass.”

He batted his eyelids to see what was happening here, but in his drunken stupor, he couldn’t see anything at all. All he could was feel and smell the other person next to him, helping him walk through the starry night. It was a nice smell.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Uhh….” With a drunken headache, he opened his eyes. He felt bad, pretty bad. His head was spinning and he felt nauseated. Even rolling his eyes to look around was painful. He tried lifting his arm to touch his head, but his limbs were heavy as stone. A strange smell poured into his nose, making him slowly realize he wasn’t at home. It smelled of an unfamiliar detergent, a perfume and… cigarettes.

He tried to open his eyes again. The ceiling was wooden, the style Japanese, but he was definitely not lying on a futon. His head was levitated on a soft cushion and his bare feet lay on something very comfy. A… bed?

Oh no. He tried sitting up a bit, though it didn’t particularly work. Painfully, his gaze went through the rest of the room. There was no doubt about it. He was in a love hotel. Shit…

Steps sounded as someone entered the room. Gintoki didn’t even have to guess, he knew who would drag him to a place like this. Hijikata gave him a cheeky smile and sat next to him on the bed. He still wore his vest but lost the coat. His hair was styled and he smelled of a strange perfume. The first buttons of his shirt were opened. Also, a patch was glued to his cheek where he had hit him before. He sure as hell looked like one of those dreamy bad boys out of a shojo novel.

The Yorozuya moaned and held his head. God, how the hell did he get into this situation?

“You’re finally awake, hm?”

Gin shook his head and regretted it the same instant. Everything moved, everything was spinning around him. It was nauseating. He fell back into the bed and held his head. He could barely move. “God, this is a bad dream, isn’t it? Tell me I’m having a nightmare…”

“Sorry.” He felt him coming closer, felt his breath on his collar. “But there was no way I could have left you like this. Really, don’t you have a spark of self-respect left? Getting drunk like this…”

“None of your business!” The silver-haired samurai complained and hid his eyes underneath his arm. He was too weak to resist now. He was sick.

A smile appeared on the face of the policeman. He leaned down to him, coming closer. Gin could feel the air between them growing thinner, his hot breath breaking against his skin, his perfume filling his nose until he couldn’t smell anything else. Somehow, Gintoki was starting to feel woozy. Suddenly, his heartbeat rose again, pumping more and more heat inside his body. Why was this happening? He glanced to the man leaning above him and when their eyes met, he gulped.

Hijikata was smiling. It was a weird smile, not at all creepy, though very passionate and longing. He looked at him as if there was nothing else in this room of interest to him. _He changed again_ , Gintoki thought to himself. _Didn’t he?_

“I was really worried about you. Don’t do something so reckless again, you hear me?”

The man came closer, only slowly, cautiously. The tip of his nose nuzzled against his, brushing along, as Hijikata’s hand stroked over Gintoki’s throat, up to his mouth. Tentatively, he grazed his thumb along his lower lip and watched it bent to his will. Blue eyes gazed at him with a subdued longing as his voice sounded soft and deep.

“Or else… I’m forced to take care of you.”

Suddenly, Gintokis’ heart was beating like crazy. He felt the mood shift into chaos. He felt his mind blanking and his body taking over. Shit. He didn’t expect to find this so irresistible. As his pulse was pounding against his temples, he tried to move a bit, trying to get comfortable. He didn’t know why. He didn´t know what was happening here.

“Don’t worry… I won’t hurt you again.” The guy whispered and closed his eyes, leaning down to kiss him.

Automatically, Gin´s eyelids lowered, too. It was like a reflex, he didn´t quite understand. What was he doing? Was he really going to do this? As he listened to what his heart, what his body were telling him, he grew scared. He wanted it. He wanted it more than he liked to admit. It frightened him how much he wanted this. It bothered him how much he longed to kiss this man, to wrap his arms around him and pull him into the bed. But the thing that frightened him most was the hesitation, the barrier, the feeling of doing something he would regret. Not because he was a man or because he was Hijikata Toushirou. But because… because…

His heart raced like crazy, as he turned away, avoiding the kiss. He didn´t move, stared into another direction, couldn´t look at him.

Hijikata seemed surprised, examining his posture for a moment. He paused only for a second until he tried again. This time his face hovered above him, while one of his hands gently and slowly slit down Gintoki’s throat further to his chest. The silver-haired man started breathing heavily, as he tried controlling himself. This was insane, damn it. How did he…? Why did he…? Why was he enjoying this so much? Frustrated, he bit his lip and cursed himself.

The man above him realized that and started getting serious. His lips grazed his throat, while his hand wandered downwards to his belly. He whispered. “If you don’t want to do it, just say it.”

Gintoki held his breath. Hell, he wanted to do it. He wanted it so badly. It had been ages since he had been in any kind of sexual situation, especially such an erotic one. His arousal pressed itself against his pants and made them feel unnaturally tight. It longed for freedom, for release. Gin blinked and had a hard time not falling prey to his excitement. He wondered why this was happening. Was it the alcohol? Making him drop his barrier? Or was it something else?

At this point, he didn’t even care if it was a man. He just really needed sex. He hadn’t been lucky in ages. He wanted it so badly, he really considered letting go. It was just sex, after all. Gin was smart enough to tell sex from love. Even though he wasn’t that loose. In fact, he had been longing to fall in love for a long time now. That´s why he didn´t sincerely hit on someone, either. His heart started pounding, almost to the point where it hurt. It was just… just…

The policeman carefully bit the flesh of his collar and stroked his crotch, making the man beneath him fall into a tremble. Gintoki bit his lip. Oh god. He couldn’t admit it. But his chest hurt. There was this strange feeling that overpowered him. A feeling of guilt and regret. And a longing for something different.

“Stop.” He whispered and swallowed, as he felt his consciousness fade away. When those blue eyes met his, he felt the feeling growing stronger. A weak smile poured out of his mouth. “It wouldn’t be right, would it? You’re drugged. You’re not yourself…” He would certainly kill him, once he was his old, annoying self again.

The man above him replied with a seductive grin. “Well, you’re pretty drugged yourself, aren’t you? So, who cares… let’s do something stupid.”

Who cares? Well, obviously he did. The strange feeling grew even stronger and made him feel ill again. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted something different. He… wanted someone else.

Gintoki felt as though some part of him died the second he grasped the meaning of that feeling. It knocked him out like a deadly punch and made him tremble with fear. Suddenly, it all seemed a little bit clearer. Yes, he wanted to kiss this bastard. But not this disgusting caricature of him. He didn’t want to have sex with this kind of sorry version of the mayonnaise crazy bastard. Not like this. Not with such a fake.

The thought scared the hell out of him.

This whole evening, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking of him. These versions of him had been a real pain in the ass. He still remembered the time when this guy was fighting for Okita Mitsuba, Sougo’s older sister. The only woman Hijikata had ever been in love with. He still remembered very well the Hijikata from back then. How he gave up on his love for her to make her happy. How fiercely he had fought for her independence. He wasn’t the slightest bit like any of these fake versions. He was neither a brutal stalker who coerced someone to sex or love, nor was he such a playboy. He was… different. And at this moment, he caught himself craving for the real deal, the Hijikata Toushirou he knew.

“I want you so badly, Gintoki…” The policeman whispered again, as he tried to kiss him.

Gin clenched his teeth and fist and swallowed all of his arousal. He pushed him up and looked at him all sobered up. His eyes were clear and dead serious. “He would never do something like that to a drunk person, anyway. Forcing himself on someone not even able to think straight. He’s not that cheap…”

What was he saying? Since when did he think so highly of this bastard? His pulse raged inside of him, hurting him with every beat. God, how much he wished the real Hijikata would wake up and insult him. This guy made him sick.

The man with the patch on his cheek stared at him for a long moment, staying completely silent. Gin’s head went hotter and hotter and the realization cut into his heart like a knife into butter. He couldn’t take looking at this face anymore. Then, out of the blue, Hijikata began to smile. It seemed to be an honest, capitulating smile. “Well, you might be right. …He wouldn’t do that.”

His eyes widened and he gulped. Huh? What was that? What kind of reaction was that? Puzzled, he looked into his blue eyes, while Hijikata stared back, smiling. Softly, he raised his hand to stroke his forehead, gently brushing away silver strands of hair.

“Sorry.” A kiss on his forehead and Hijikata was pulling away, stroking one last time along his cheek.

Gintoki’s heart tumbled inside is rib cage and he couldn’t tell wrong from right anymore. He felt his cheeks turn red for a second as the playboy smiled at him again.

“Well, I’ll be going. Stay here and sober up. I don’t want you to fall down the stairs and break your neck.”

Dumbfounded, the white-haired man looked at him, but Hijikata threw his coat around his shoulders. Was he being serious?

In fact, he was. The man winked at him and shut the door behind him. Gintoki was left alone in the poorly lit room, staring at the ceiling, cursing himself and everyone around him. This really was one big mess. His pulse was way too high and he could barely breathe. What the hell was he doing? He was such an idiot. Such a big, stupid idiot.

He closed his eyes and clenched his lips together. Sleep. He needed to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. This never happened. This never happened. Everything was as it was supposed to be. He was drunk and drugged himself. There was no way in hell these feelings were real. This couldn’t be true. He was so glad he hadn´t given in, though. If they really had done it… he would have regretted it bitterly. Damn it…

 

* * *

 

* _Oden_ is a famous dish often served at the stand-up booth with 3-4 seats. It serves alcohol as well as several kinds of small dishes like egg, daikon, tofu, pumpkin etc.


	4. Priorities

## Priorities

 

Sakata Gintoki woke up in the room of a love hotel, drooling on the cushion of a bed with Bordeaux-colored, silky sheets. He had slept in his clothes and his hair was a mess. Moaning, he sat up and felt a strong headache drill itself through his skull. On top of that, he felt like throwing up. He lay down on his back again and let his gaze circle the room. Oh, what the hell had happened?

He thought back to what he could remember. Ah right, he had gotten drunk after stalker Toshi had had the nerve to kiss him. He had been picked up by someone and had been brought here. Also aforementioned Toshi - though he had kind of turned into a playboy at that point. Gin held his head and breathed slowly. Right, right and then…

He got queasy again. Yeah, he had almost hopped on the bastard cop’s **** in a flash of unsupervised horniness. Ashamed, he closed his eyes. Wow, was he glad that didn’t happen. Also, as far as he realized, there was no trace of Hijikata anywhere. That was kind of a relief.

His eyes were pinned against the ceiling and the hangover made his thoughts spin. Just how much longer would this nightmare continue? He could have cried. The horror. Honestly, that was Okita’s worst joke so far. And he would pay for it. Somehow, in the most horrible way imaginable, he would pay for it. Gin wasn’t sure of how to do it yet, but he would definitely get his revenge. How dare he put that mayo freak onto him, anyway? And even saying they’d be a cute couple all the time on top of it all!

Gintoki blushed a little without realizing it. He snarled. Nonsense. All of this. It was time the nicotine freak got this stupid drug out of his system so poor Gin-san could live his life in peace again. This arc needed to end soon, or else he’d turn insane.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I’m home.” He yawned and sat at the entrance, taking off his shoes.

“Welcome home!” Kagura yelled half-heartedly, her eyes fixed on the TV, chewing a strip of _sukonbu_ between her lips.

That girl really had no manners. But well, that’s what he liked about her. The silver-haired man went inside and looked around. Everything seemed normal. He wondered where he was…

Kagura eyed him suspiciously, squinting her eyes.

“What?” Gintoki asked exhaustedly as he went to the fridge to get a pudding.

“Where have you been?”

“Why do you ask?” he replied with a blanked expression. Man, he had one hell of a hangover.

Her eyes narrowed even more while she was munching and swallowing her seaweed. “You didn’t come home last night. Where have you been?”

“Ugh… I don’t wanna talk about it.”

The redhead had a weird look on her face. “Gin-chan… did you **** with Toshi?”

Gintoki glared at her angrily, taking a spoon and carton of strawberry milk. “Who taught you such language!”

“You did!” She pouted and crossed her arms. “Gin-chan! I know I said he could do anything with you, but I hope you didn’t get him pregnant! I’m too young to be a grandma!”

He growled and ate his pudding in one go. “My god, you really don’t know the first thing about this, do you? Well, that’s fine, I suppose. Still, nothing like that happened, so leave it be.”

“I didn’t raise you to be such a playboy! Today you will stay at home! I wanna watch the new episodes of Dragonball with you!”

“Believe me… I would’ve come home if I could’ve…” He mumbled and then smiled. With her stern expression, she almost looked like a mother. Sometimes, she really was cute. After all this mess, he honestly looked forward to watching it with her. “Alright, alright. I’ll stay home with you. Just let me take a bath first.”

Her smile was as bright as the sun and she celebrated fiercely. “Yaaay!”

Happily, he emptied the strawberry milk and threw it in the trash. Wow, he really craved a bath. He wanted to wash these past days off his skin like dirt. From his room, he took a fresh bundle of clothes and strolled into the bathroom. Still exhausted from the night before, he sighed and opened the door. Soaking in the hot bathtub for a while, yeah… that sounded nice…

“Hyaaaaaaaahhhh!” A scream almost made him deaf. Dumbfounded, he looked up only to gaze upon a naked man standing in front of him. Soap was sliding down his body as the man stared at him with an expression of blank horror. His cheeks grew deep red as he felt the Yorozuya look at him.

“What do you think you’re doing? Pervert!” A nude Hijikata Toushirou tried covering his body while throwing a brush and then a tube of shampoo at him.

 

Sakata Gintoki, however, still stood unmoving in the threshold of his bathroom, his expression blank. As the shriek got more high-pitched and a splash of water hit him, he almost cried. Of course. How could he dare to _think_ for even _one second_ that he could get some rest? Just… just what had he done to deserve this? Honestly now…

As the bathing stool hit him, his nose began to bleed from the impact. He started trembling, clenching his fist and felt the frustration dwelling up again. But before he could get up and scream it out, he was thrown out of the bath by a killer kick. Wheezing, blood splashing from his mouth, he glanced up to see a pissed off Kagura towering over him. She gawked at him unforgivingly. Her fists ready to punch, her foot stomping down on him.

“Oi, rotten bastard! Whatcha doing to Toshii? Spying on someone in the bath… damn hentai.”

Gin began to fret and fume. “What the hell? I wasn’t spying! This is _my_ bath, _my_ home, damnit! What is he doing here anyway? And why didn’t you tell me he was in the bath in the first place?!”

“Tsk!” The girl spat. “Shifting the blame to someone else? Typical! But as long as I’m here, I will protect Toshii from you pervert!”

“Protect him from _me_? If anything, you should protect _me_ from _him_! And why are you on his side anyway?!”

“Toshii gave me food and made me ice cream!” She crossed her arms. “So I’m gonna stand up for a fellow girl in need.”

“He’s a man, goddamnit!”

“That doesn’t make it okay to peep on him!”

“Grah!” Frustrated, Gin got up and tore his hair. “I’m surrounded by crazy people!” All he craved for was a bath, for Pete’s sake!

“Kagura-chan…” Toshii crouched behind her, but still over-towered the small girl. His head was bloodshot, and the embarrassment was written on his face for everyone to read. He had a towel wrapped around his hip now, but there was still soap in his hair. “D-Don’t be angry. It’s not his fault. I… I just didn’t pay attention.”

She crossed her arms and spat out of spite. “Don’t apologize Toshii! You didn’t do anything wrong. Honestly, I don’t recall raising such a pervert. You´re a disgrace!”

“It’s your fault for not giving me a heads up, Kagura!” The man now wet in his clothes fumed.

“No, I’m sorry.” Hijikata seemed utterly ashamed. He glanced at him with a shy look. “I’m sorry, Sakata-kun… It’s just… I woke up in the streets and had nowhere to go, so I… I…”

Gintoki grimaced while looking at his shy face. What was happening now? Did he turn into some kind of _uke_? What was he so bashful about? It crept him out. He didn’t have time for that. “Fine, then finish your bath and get the hell outta here!”

“Gin-chan!” The redhead protested. “How heartless can you be?”

“Tsk!” Annoyed, he turned around and walked into the living room. “Shut up, both of you! This is my home and I can do whatever I want. So, cut me some slack and give me some privacy for once!”

While the little alien girl spat with her guardian, a timid Hijikata looked to the side. “It’s… it’s okay Sakata-kun… I’ll leave. I won’t bother you anymore.”

“Finally!” He threw the bottle of shampoo right back at him. “Then hurry the hell up!”

The man nodded, clearly still embarrassed and Kagura obviously didn’t seem happy with that. Gintoki didn’t care anymore. He disappeared into his room and slammed the sliding door shut. Silently cursing, he got out of his wet clothes. Since when was this little turd teaming up with his enemies? Sure, she had been taken a liking to the Shinsengumi officer for quite some time now, but still! Wasn’t she supposed to be on his side? Honestly, he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t need this! Those people were driving him crazy!

 

~ ~ ~

 

He sat in the dark, coiled up like a snail.

His arms were tangled around his knees as he pressed them against his aching chest. Sadness took the best of him and left him aimless, desperate and heartbroken. His heart was beating heavily, making him drowsy. A lonesome tear swelled up inside his eye and he brushed it away bravely. With all his might, he suppressed a _hick_ and tried to breathe normally. It had never seemed as hard as this.

What the hell was he doing? He was acting stupid. He needed to keep it together. If he continued to walk this path, _he_ would never want to see him again. Hijikata closed his eyes and held his breath for a second, rubbing off his tears on his clothes. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to look him into the eyes now? …How was he supposed to make him realize what kind of feelings he held towards him? How could he tell him… he loved him?

Thinking of the silver head’s smile made him all flustered up. The thought of his beautiful pale, dark, red eyes worsened the blushing so much his head became an intense red. This was more than a simple crush. This was more than a teenager falling in love with the hot _senpai_. Though Gintoki certainly was out of his league. He was strong and funny and so handsome, it almost made him faint. Jittery, he tousled his hair and shook his head.

When sadness overpowered him, he grabbed his chest and held back more tears. He was so in love with him, he didn’t know what to do. He kept thinking of him day and night. He couldn’t get him out of his head for even one second. And with every minute, the pain grew stronger until the longing got unbearable. He just wanted to be with him. Just be at his side and watch him smile. He wanted to make him understand how he felt. That Gintoki meant the world to him. That he would die for him. That a life without him didn’t matter, that the thought alone was agonizing. That he longed for a kiss of his lips with every fiber of his body. He just… wanted him to see him as he truly was.

Tears started welling up once more and he buried his head between his knees. He knew he shouldn’t try too hard. He knew he shouldn’t rush things. He knew Gintoki needed space and time for himself. If Hijikata allowed the yearning to get the better of him, it was over. No, he needed to be patient. He needed to slow down.

Maybe it really was for the best to keep his distance for a while…

 

With a loud noise, the door was torn open. A ray of light dazzled him and forced him to blink. Before him, Sakata Gintoki stood very much unamused, staring at him with an expression that was both unfazed and annoyed.

“G-Gintoki-kun!” Hijikata’s face grew blank with embarrassment.

The man didn’t even know how to respond. It wasn´t like he hadn’t expected something along those lines, but hiding in his bedroom closet? Come one…

“It’s-it’s not like you thin-“

With a frightening aura oozing out of his body, he lifted his arm to grab him.

“Hyaaa!” Startled, Hijikata crouched down in defense, expecting the worst while still being happy he was about to be touched by him.

Though that didn’t happen. Instead, the samurai pulled his futon out of the closet and turned around mumbling. “Damn stalker.”

Even more surprised, still having tears in his eyes, the former policeman looked up. Gintoki tried to ignore him, spreading out his futon to get to sleep.

“G-Gintoki-kun!” he mumbled, coming out of the closet now to sit very formally on the tatami mats. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Tsk!” He was pissed off, but he seemed to have calmed down significantly. “Tell that to the hand because the face doesn’t listen.” Yes, Gintoki was infamous to be an old man lagging behind modern language.

Fidgety, the dark-haired man sat on his legs and looked nervous. “P-please don’t be mad at me. I… didn’t want to make you angry.”

“Just save it. I’m getting tired of this.”

Timid, the man looked up, but couldn’t bare looking at his face for long. “S… sorry… I… I just wanted to be by your side.”

Sakata Gintoki moaned, holding his head. “Do you actually listen to yourself? Really… this is even worse than the time you were an otaku. And this guy died, remember? I was at his freaking funeral. You weren’t half as annoying back then, you know that?”

 _Annoying_.

This word cut deep into his heart and a few tears popped out, rolling down his face. The twenty-something boy with the blue eyes sniffed, trying to hide it and failed miserably.

“Yes, that. Right there!” Gin pointed at him reproachfully. “Get yourself together man. Ain’t exactly a pretty sight.”

But instead, Toushi started crying even harder, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. A futile attempt.

The Yorozuya looked down to him and crossed his arms. He was gritting his teeth and suppressed a growl. Man, this was getting surreal. He couldn’t stand seeing his tears. It triggered his born instinct to do something about it. He hated that. Still, he was as stubborn as ever and turned away.

“Don’t cry damnit! This is pathetic, even for you.”

“I… I’m sorry…” He whispered, his voice whiny and cracking under the tears. “I’m trying, but it won’t stop…”

Wordlessly, Gintoki eyed him. There had only been one time he had caught this guy crying. It had been when his dear Mitsuba had died. And even then, he had been too reluctant to admit it. He had been eating a spicy cracker, blaming his tearing eyes on it. Hijikata Toushirou was a prideful man. Gin knew this because he had been there, sitting on the other side of the roof, eating spicy crackers with him. The silver-haired samurai’s chest grew tight and he felt this feeling creeping up again. Damnit at all…

“G-Gintoki… kun… please… I… I just want to talk to you. …Could I… stay for a bit?”

He didn’t reply, just stood and stared. His heart was beating faster seeing this pitiable excuse of a man. This wretched shadow of a brave warrior. This sorry excuse of Hijikata Toushirou. He couldn’t watch. Yet, he also couldn’t look away. Instead, he leaned his back against the wall saying nothing.

As a few moments passed without a word, Toushi spoke again, his voice trembling with fear. He still stared at the straw mats underneath him and tried not to shed more tears. “I… I’m sorry to bother you like this. It seems I’m not able to think straight. Something must be wrong with me. I… I can’t really explain it myself.”

The dark-haired man gulped and attempted to smile but failed miserably. “I don’t know what it is, but… something’s messing with my head. What should I do? …Whenever I see you… my heart begins racing. Whenever I’m with you… I start sweating and growing incredibly scared to say something stupid.” A trembling chuckle. “Just… just like right now.”

While his crush said nothing, the drugged man shook his head. “I’m not my normal self when I’m around you. I’m getting desperate. I want to be with you. I want to be around you. I don’t know why. I just… feel so happy when I’m with you. When you smile at me, it’s like… I don’t need anything else in this world…”

Gintoki’s head dropped a bit because he didn’t want him to see his face. He started to feel woozy. Hijikata’s words cut right through him, just like Tama’s piercing look. With every word, his pulse rose until it beat uncontrollably inside his chest. He knew it was fake. He knew this wasn’t a real confession. But still, something moved inside of him. He could relate to these feelings more than he wanted to admit.

“Gintoki-kun… I… I know you don’t want to hear that and… you surely see me as nothing else but a bother. But…” Toushirou closed his eyes and clenched his fists. “…I’m… I’m in love with you.”

 

No, he was not.

This wasn’t the real Hijikata Toushirou confessing to him. He was drugged. He didn’t actually have feelings for him in this kind of way. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t the real deal. And suddenly, Gintoki felt the pain and the disappointment ravage through his heart. This just sucked.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I’m… I’m in love with you.” The mayonnaise enthusiast had a shattered smile glued to his lips and tears painting his face red.

Just for a brief moment, Gin smiled too. And it was far more wrecked than whatever this sorry actor in front of him could ever pull off. The next thing he knew, he took a step towards him and his eyes went hard. Just as his voice. “You know why I still know you’re under the influence of this damn potion?”

The kneeling man looked up at him, unable to grasp the hurt hidden inside his posture.

“Because the real you never even once called me by my full name. Let alone something like _Gintoki-kun_.”

“I… I…”

“Get out of my sight.” It sounded harder than he had intended. Still, he turned away. He couldn’t take this anymore. “Besides…. the Hijikata Toushirou I know would never behave like you do now. Sure, he is an idiot… but a different kind.” He felt his breath stop for a second. He would take the mayonnaise addict with the throbbing vain above this guy any day.

“Gin… Gintoki-“

“Of all versions… you’re the worst.” His eyes closed, and he tried holding his emotions in. It was easy to exploit an obedient housewife and it was easy to beat an annoying stalker to a pulp. But it was impossible to endure the tears of a man who had been at his side for so long now. Enemy or not. He wanted the normal version of him back.

He couldn’t bear watching this fake twist his words. “Get out. Now.”

Teardrops dripping down to the ground, the man rose and looked heartbroken. Gintoki didn’t watch. He just couldn’t. And as he heard the footsteps followed by the soft shutting of a door, his head dropped.

Damn it at all…


	5. The real deal

## The real deal

 

The sadistic policeman Okita Sougo gazed upon his paparazzi photos and whistled his favorite tune. Man, he had really shot some good ones. Especially the ones showing them in very “explicit” situations. Like the one where that bastard Hijikata bent _danna_ over to kiss him. Or the one he got when he dragged the yorozuya to the love hotel. It really had been a splendid idea to put a tracking device on him. This way, he didn’t miss a second of the fun! Kehehe.

The blond man didn’t think twice about the implications this might have. He didn’t really care either. _Danna_ was a strong man and Sougo liked the idea of Hijikata getting beaten up by him. Besides, Gintoki was going to kill neither him nor Hijikata. He just had a big mouth. Inside, he was a teddy bear with a very soft spot. That´s what he liked about him. That and the fact that the Yorozuya loved teasing Hijikata at least as much as he did. And God, Hijikata would be so sweetly humiliated by these photos. He would pay a fortune to have them destroyed. His plan was perfect.

Delighted, he examined the package of the drug he bought on the black-market. _To fulfill your dreams_ , it said. Well, it sure was. Sougo chuckled and casually read the package insert. For a second, he paused and seemed astonished.

“…Ultimately gives you the strength to confess your real feelings towards the other…”

Okita just shrugged and threw it away. Well, he didn’t need that to know these idiots had the hots for each other. That had been getting pretty obvious as the show progressed. All the more reason Hijikata would pay for these photos whatever price he wanted.

The blond man chuckled. Wow, this was even more fun than he had expected.

 

~ ~ ~

 

He had an awfully restless night. It seemed as though he was constantly agitated, inside a never-ending doze. He was slipping from dream to dream, his body shifting from one side to the other. His forehead was hot as in a fever and he was moaning in his sleep. He was plagued with nightmares. Some were of bloodshed and severed heads, some featured people clinging to his ass. Either way, it wasn’t pretty. Still, his eyes twitched with every painful memory protruding from his unconsciousness. At some point, he started trembling. It wasn’t uncommon for him to have such nightmares, to dream of his past and his loss and all the blood around him. Though, on this night his dreams seemed too real.

He felt a hand stroking him, brushing the sweat from his forehead and fingers softly entangling his hair. He felt eyes laying on him, someone watching… over him. A smile, hair dangling in front of his eyes, the moonlight, a soft voice.

Gintoki trembled and looked at an awfully familiar face. He was in cold sweat, still not completely woken up. He couldn’t hear his own painful wheezing, only the deep voice of the person next to him. “Don’t worry. Nothing’s gonna happen to you. You’re safe.”

The silver-haired samurai bit his lips in pain and gasped for air, sliding back into sleep, though calmer now. Fingers were stroking his hair, as gently as possible. The heat got worse, as the body leaned over him, whispering broken, painful words. ”Sayonara.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

He really had had an _awful_ night.

Gintoki rubbed his head as Kagura made him breakfast. _Tamagohan_ \- rice with raw egg on it. Of course. Just like every day. He slumped down the couch and grumbled to himself. Some weird dreams he had. A yawn reminded him of how exhausted he was. Deadbeat, he took up his chopsticks and bowl and started eating.

“What’s wrong, Gin-chan?” Kagura commented her old self again.

“Had a horrible night.”

“Nightmares again?”

“Hm… yeah.” And then this strange thing that felt all too real. Could it have been him? A creepy thought. He shook it off. “By the way… did this maniac tobacco freak show up again?”

She pouted. “Not since you kicked him out yesterday.”

“Honestly.” Gin complained faintly. “I don’t know how you grew so attached to him.”

“ _I told you_!” A whining that fitted a five-year-old girl. “He bought me sukonbu and made me ice cream and cooked me things and also, he was asking about my day and buying me stuff! He was a better dad than you ever were!”

“Oi, oi… give me a break.”

“It’s true!” She nagged. “I liked Toshi way more like this!”

Well, she was the only one on that boat then. He sighed. “Anyway… don’t do reckless things like this anymore. This guy is banned from this apartment indefinitely. Understood?”

The china girl sulked and crossed her arms but consented. And Gintoki was truly relieved about that. If he didn’t need an enemy, it would definitely be this little, redhead turd.

Unhurriedly, he finished his breakfast and relaxed a bit inside his home this morning. Kagura went out to play with friends and took Sadaharu along. All alone in his apartment, Gintoki felt kind of strange. It just didn’t feel right. He was reading JUMP and enjoying pudding. Just like almost every other day. But something was definitely off. Instead of relaxing, his eyes were grazing the ceiling constantly. He expected to be attacked any minute. This calm was just too good to be true.

After finishing his magazine, he snuck around the apartment. Suspiciously, he opened every closet, every drawer, looked behind every nook and cranny, even under the couch and inside the toilet. No one was there. Not even Sarutobi. Agitated, his foot drumming against the floor and his hand scratching his chin, he stood inside the living room. Waiting.

He finally had some peace and quiet. Just why couldn’t he savor it? Unconsciously chewing his lips, he wondered what happened. Where was this guy? He couldn’t believe yesterday could have truly scared him off. It hadn´t worked before, didn't it? It was just too good to be true. So, where the hell was he?

The broke samurai couldn’t endure this farce for very long. Before too long, he had enough. Annoyed, Sakata Gintoki decided to leave the apartment and go for a walk around the town. It was a fine day, to be honest. It was warm, but not too hot; the sky was blue, and a few clouds cast refreshing shadows on the ground. Strolling through the streets, Gin greeted a few familiar faces. He saw Gengai in his workshop and Zenzou on an errand, waved at Ikumatsu in her shop and had a little spat with Hasegawa in the park. Since he had no real goal, he was wandering around aimlessly.

When he looked at the bright side, he sure had a lot of friends in this town. On the not so bright side, he was walking around waiting for a stalker to attack him. Frankly, he was a little embarrassed by that. And there he thought there was no way for him to sink any lower.

It was way past noon now and Gintoki grew impatient. He didn’t know what to do and wasn’t in the mood for anything. He wanted to be one step ahead. As soon as he would do something he enjoyed, someone would ruin it for him. And so, he kept wandering around, being the king of fools, just as usual.

His mood got foul, and he wondered why. He just hoped this crazy tobacco reeking mayonnaise psycho cop didn’t kill himself off like Julia did in this cheesy Shakespeare thing. He didn’t want to explain that to the police. No way he would go to prison again.

Silently cursing to himself, he closed his eyes and wandered off once more. It was in that very second, he clashed with someone. Intuitively, he started complaining because… well, he was a brazen character after all. When he realized, though, with whom he had collided, his heart stopped for an instant.

“Hey, watch where you-“

A policeman in his uniform, a V-shaped pony, and a cigarette stuck between his lips, gawked at him and cursed as well. “Haaah? What do you think you-“

Both of them stared at each other for an unbearably long moment.

 

Neither could breathe nor blink nor hide their nervously beating hearts. Hijikata seemed embarrassed, though not in the kind he had the day before. It was his usual embarrassment and that made Gintoki’s heartbeat go crazy. Could it be? No, could it really be?

“I didn’t see you there, Yorozuya.” He cleared his throat and glanced at him. “What are you doing here?”

Oh my god, was this real? Gin almost couldn’t believe it. Everything was the usual about him, from his hair to his cigarette and his uniform to his voice. Still, there was a little bit of suspicion left. He tried to look annoyed. “Right back at you. Why are you wearing your uniform? Playing cop, again? You still wanna hump my brains out?”

“I never- urgh!” Hijikata reddened humiliated and gnarled at him. As if he was checking for stalkers, his head turned around and round until he grabbed Gintoki’s wrist and pulled him into a back alley. “Come here for a sec.”

The silver-haired man let himself be pulled away obediently just like a doll. His pulse pounded against his rips, though he didn’t let himself be swayed. Still, he smiled. He smiled without realizing it.

As Hijikata dragged him deep into the back alley, he let go of his hand and turned to him. His face was a little reddish, though he looked annoyed at the same time. Gintoki didn’t mind. He enjoyed the show.

“Don’t grin like that, rotten bastard.” The cop complained. “You know exactly this was because of the drug!”

“So, you _do_ remember, huh?” Gin couldn’t stop grinning. He folded his arms and tilted his head. Teasing him came naturally. “Your old self again, are you? Or is this a new phase?”

“Grrr…” Seemed like the Shinsengumi officer wanted to beat him up but held back. “Don’t push your luck, Yorozuya. I was drugged and that’s all there is to it.”

The silver-haired man couldn’t suppress a chuckle. “Sure you were. Still, you made quite a mess. You owe me big time.”

“I do not.” He protested fiercely, though still ashamed. “If anything, this is Sougo’s fault. And I will murder him for it.”

“Please do. And give him a good beating from me too, while you’re at it.”

“Do it yourself.” Hijikata nagged faintly. He seemed unsure of whether he should stare at him or look away. His eyes just couldn´t focus. “I’m not your babysitter, after all.”

Wow, Gin didn’t expect to be in such a good mood. Though he really had to admit, he was relieved the guy had returned to his former self. It suited him much better. “So, you’re telling me you actually are done stalking me now?”

“Urgh…” The cop appeared upset and _oh,_ so sweetly humiliated. It was a pleasure seeing him like this. “Yes, damn it. It’s not like I was doing it voluntarily, ya know? Thus, I’m not going to apologize or anything if that’s what you’re getting at. Let’s just… forget about this. It never happened.”

“Hm.” Gin grinned, his sadistic side oozing out again. “Alright, alright. Let’s just forget about this.” He waited for his opponent to take a relieved breath before striking. “Although… you _really_ pissed me off _and_ you most certainly committed some heavy atrocities against me. How you’re gonna compensate for that, huh?”

Hijikata’s face said it all. He was getting annoyed at him, like always. So, their usual bickering began. “Hah? What did you say? If anything, you were the one extorting my situation!”

“I did most certainly not! I was a bystander, a victim!”

“Like hell you were, you lunatic! If I have to compensate for you, then you’ll have to pay me back as well!”

Gintoki shrugged and shook his head. “I’m broke, as you know. Also, you still owe me the money you promised me in every single arc I saved your ass.”

“I paid you back, didn’t I?”

“Not the amount we agreed on.”

“ _We agreed on_ my ass! I’m not giving you a million bucks!”

“Then, you’ll owe me for all eternity.”

“Yorozuya….”

Oh, he didn’t know how sweet this sounded in his ears. Gin enjoyed this more than he thought he would. He wanted to tease him some more. He wanted the trouble, wanted the bickering. Grinning sadistically, he approached him and leaned towards him, taunting.

“Heee? You know, I’m almost sad you’re your old, boring self again. Though you were a bother, you were quite gullible back then. You were just like a girl. It was hard to watch…” Gin flashed a dirty smile. “…without laughing at your pathetic ass.”

 

He wasn’t going to drop it, was he? As Hijikata realized that, he started fuming, his head turning red from anger and frustration. Yet, he still managed to control himself somehow. Gin just loved to drive him to the point where he would explode.

He chuckled, his face distorted with an ugly grin. “I’m sad I didn’t make some memorable photos. Falling in love with a guy? What a disgrace for a government policeman like you. What will people _think_ if word gets around?”

Actually, blackmailing this guy didn’t seem like a bad idea after all. He had to give Okita-kun credit for that. Extorting the prideful policeman was indeed a wonderful idea to get some money. Gin’s head tilted and he clicked his tongue with a satisfied sound. “I mean… it would be _so embarrassing_ if someone would walk around telling people what you did.  Sure, everyone knows the Shinsengumi is a breeding ground for homosexuals, but their own Vice Chief? _What a scandal!_ ”

“Yorozuya…” Hijikata glared at him as though he would rip off his balls the next minute. “You’re trying to press money out of me using this cheap method?”

“ _How dare you_! Gin-san is an innocent citizen! I would never do something like that! …Though, it’s working, isn’t it?” He chuckled, amused.

“You bastard…”

Demandingly, the broke samurai opened his hand. “Pay up or else I’ll tell everyone what you did.”

The Shinsengumi officer trembled of anger, but still did nothing but stare at him, holding back his wrath. “You little shit…”

“Haaah, sorry, I couldn’t hear you?” Gin pretended and chortled again. “Come on Mayora, pay up. Or else people will hear things along the line of this: _Hijikata-kuuun is in love with Sakata Gintoki. He wore an apron for him and made him breakfast! He is head over heels in love with him, he’s such a homo! Can you believe that?”_

“Stop it.”

But Gin didn’t. He was going over the top, but he didn’t mind. Served him right. Gin was chuckling, still disguising his voice, sounding like a gossiping old lady. “ _What? I’d never figured! Although the cop always seemed a bit too gay for my taste! I heard he even cried in front of Gintoki-san. I mean, I get why someone would fall in love with Gin-san, he’s so handsome and strong! But the demonic Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi? What a disgrace. He’s not fit to be a policeman. And besides, who would fall in love with a mayonnaise slurping homo like him anyway_?“

“ _I said stop it!”_ This time, his voice was louder, harder and remarkably violent. The next thing he knew, Gintoki was being grabbed and shoved against the wall. Two hands were ripping at his collar, while a dark aura forced the air out of his lungs.

Gin wanted to complain about being treated this viciously, but as he looked up, he froze. Hijikata’s hands were shaking almost unnoticeably, his lip trembling as if he held back something. For a moment, he looked at him with a wounded expression. He didn’t let go of him, stared at him angrily and mortified at the same time.

“Stop it already.”

 

The Yorozuya had no clue what was happening. He glared right back at him, not even noticing he was holding his breath. He hadn’t been expecting that.

Hijikata’s eyes dropped a little and his voice went low for a moment. He seemed… troubled, torn, conflicted. He was still as proud as ever, though something was hiding alongside. “Stop making fun of me, damn it.”

What… what the hell? Gintoki couldn’t help but stare. He couldn’t move, couldn’t react and couldn’t inhale at all. All he could do was to look at this miserable man still grabbing his collar, pulling him closer inch by inch.

“Seriously, how daft can you be?” The policeman squeezed the words out of his mouth like it took a lot of effort. He didn’t look at him directly. His voice, however, was as clear in Gintoki’s ears as a thunder waking him up at night. “I know you’re not the brightest, but heck… can’t you tell by now? …Don´t you get it? All this tension between us, all the situations we´ve been in. Are you blind or really just that stupid?”

Gintoki opened his mouth, but no words were pouring out. He was utterly speechless.

“…I… obviously _like_ _you_ , bastard.” Hijikata snarled ashamedly, glaring into another direction. “Even though you’re a gigantic pain in the ass. Even though I hate you for always getting me into trouble like this. Even though you´re the biggest ass of the century…”

Shocked, still not being able to process any of this, Gintoki laughed it off. His voice shook, however, and his legs were getting weak. “Ha, I knew it… You’re still influenced by this drug.”

“No, I´m not.” was the simple and hard answer. Finally, Hijikata looked at him, frustration almost choking him. “My head is as clear as ever. And I had these feelings way before this mess. …I had them since we first met, and it only got worse with every time we clashed after that. …Every time you’ve been a reckless idiot, sticking your running nose into my business. Every freaking time…”

The man with the red eyes gulped. For heaven’s sake! What was happening here? What was he supposed to do now? What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn’t be for real, could he? Gintoki didn’t fight back, he just didn’t know how to reply. Instead, he was still grabbed by the man before him, his posture beaten and weak. The closer Hijikata got, the more Gintoki’s desire to do something increased. His head was screaming, pushing him to act.

“…’s not like I didn’t try to fight it, ya know?” The dark-haired man conceded quietly. “…It’s not like I’m proud of this. I don’t know how to behave around you anymore!” For an instant, his opponent started quivering, but with every second, his posture got fiercer.

Gin almost couldn’t bear it.

 “…Get it now?” The cop spat and shot him a hurt look.

 

The silver-head felt a big chunk growing in his throat, making him unable to breathe at all. Softly, unwillingly, he shook his head. Not because he didn’t understand, but because he couldn’t believe his ears.

“What’s up with you, huh?” Hijikata spat. “Laugh, if you want. That’s what you want to do, right? Come one, get it out of your system and be done with it! Laugh at me like you always do!”

Oh, God.

Hearing these words, the silver-haired man almost broke. His heart started aching, crying out, his head began insulting him. He was such an ass. Clenching his fist, Gintoki’s eyes lowered a bit. He did go too far this time, hadn’t he? His stomach turned. Wow, he really didn’t expect this to get to him so badly.

“You know what?” All of the sudden, Hijikata let go of him, his voice boiling with suppressed anger. “Why do I even care? It’s no use anyway. Why do I even bother telling you this? It’s not like you’d mind for one bit, sadistic asshole.”

There was a surreal anguish eating through his innards, leaving Gintoki entirely help- and speechless. He didn’t want him to go and he didn’t want to stand here enduring these words either. And even so, he was too afraid to look up. So, he just stood and stared at the ground, still leaning against the wall. It seemed to be the only thing supporting him at this very moment.

“Don’t think too much of it, though.” He couldn’t see what Hijikata was doing, but he was watching him for sure. And his voice hurt like daggers. “It’s not like I have the desire to be with you. It’s just…  I just wanted you to know. I don’t care what you’ll do with it. Go tell everyone if you feel like it. Don’t hold back, just be your usual sadistic self. Just one thing… If it’s not too much of a bother, …stop rubbing it in my face. Of course… only if that’s not too much to ask from a son of a bitch like you. Because…” Suddenly, his voice dropped, and Gin could feel the pain as if it was piercing through him. “…that just fucking hurts.”

 As the run-down samurai still didn’t reply, the cop turned around and buried his hands in his pockets. The crunching of his steps in the dust and gravel sounded unnaturally loud inside of Gintoki’s ears. “I can’t stand seeing your face. I’m off… Don’t bother trying to go after Sougo. I’ll make him pay…”

As he listened to the man walking off, the weird feelings inside his torso started ravaging him, tearing him apart, bit by bit. Gintoki still clenched his fists, feeling all of it. The anger, the bewilderment, the fear and the regret. He couldn’t do anything to fight it. He was completely at its mercy.

His gorge rose. He felt like he was about to throw up…


	6. Mayonnaise is good for your soul

## Mayonnaise is good for your soul

 

His dry, red eyes were staring at the ceiling, had been doing so for hours it seemed. He couldn’t sleep. At all.

His face was pale and wrinkled, the white of his eyeballs shot with red veins. Motionlessly, he lay on his futon and listened to the sound of his own heartbeat. The moon had been full this night, too. He had been unable to sleep under these conditions. Once again, he rolled onto his side and stared into nothingness. The night still lay upon him and he could barely see; both the things before his eyes and the things inside his chest.

Gintoki felt sick, physically ill. He wondered if he had caught a cold. Although people said idiots never got sick. And he certainly was a gigantic one. Wearily, he closed his eyes and wished for nothing else but sleep. He wanted to stay in bed forever, never stepping outside again. He just wanted to curl himself into his futon and never get up. This way he didn’t have to face reality. Oh, what a sweet idea.

A headache penetrated his forehead and he twitched. He knew the source of it and he tried to evade it, though in the end his spinning head always returned to this particular thing: Hijikata Toushirou’s words and his grief-stricken face.

The memory was still fresh and equally painful. Gintoki pouted, still not wanting to admit it. He was so terribly confused. And he was still sick and mad at himself. Who the hell would have expected things to turn out like this? He most certainly didn’t. That had not been what he had been aiming for. He had just wanted to tease him a little. How was he supposed to know he really _did_ have feelings for him?

Instinctively, Gin was blushing and in response he buried his head inside his cushion, hammering ferociously against his futon. Damn it at all! Why was he reacting like that? What was he, a faint-hearted high school girl? Sulking, he stared at the night again, his heart beating a little faster. Man… he really had wanted to kiss him back then.

Hastily, he exiled this thought to the fields of death inside his soul. This was insufferable! He felt so stupid. It was not primarily that it was about a _man_. Gintama was full of homosexual jokes mostly being on him. There even had been episodes where he had been in bed with Kondou and Hasegawa. They had these recurring jokes about him showing new fake DVD’s with Hijikata and him in a sexual way on the cover.  And then his love for Ketsuno Ana, which was literally a joke on him loving anal intercourse. He never earnestly complained. Indeed, he was quite open for that matter.

Still, the thing was… why did it have to be _him_? Hijikata Toushirou, the demonic Vice Commander of the dogs of the government? His sworn enemy, this annoying guy he had so much in common with? The mayonnaise freak with the nicotine addiction? Why him?

Fatigued, his eyes closed for a bit as he drifted off into his thoughts. All of the things they had gone through together. Except for their usual bickering and some minor episodes, they had always stood on the same side. They had always been protecting each other´s backs when it counted. He remembered all of it as clear as if it had happened yesterday. How his sword had been cursing him. How Hijikata had kneeled before them and how sick Gintoki had been of seeing his cowardly face. He remembered the Thorny arc as well when both of them were fighting to protect others from the mistake they had made. He remembered his brother’s grave and the unshakeable urge he had to comfort him. He remembered Mitsuba’s death, consoling Hijikata by simply being there with him.

He remembered all of this and much more. They had been at each other’s side for so long now, done so many things together, had gotten closer with every day and every night. Something drew him to his side. There was something between them he couldn´t quite explain. Feelings Gintoki didn’t exactly understand. He loved so many people here. He had so many friends, so many idiots being part of his family. Hijikata was, too. But, still… there was more to that. A lot more.

His heart was humming a dull and hollow beat, dragging him down. Softly, he let his fingers slide over the silky surface of the tatami mats. What was Hijikata to him? How did he feel about him? What did he want from him exactly?

At that very moment back then, he had wanted so many things. He had wanted to hug him, to grab him and embrace him. He had wanted to feel his heartbeat. He had wanted to look into his deep blue eyes, these stunningly strong eyes he couldn’t stop thinking about. He had wanted to stroke his hair and let his hand slide over his cheek, down to his throat. He had wanted to tell him to shut up. That he would never laugh at someone _honestly_ confessing his feelings to him.

This particular thought still messed with his head. He just couldn’t get a hold of it. Did Hijikata really mean it? Was he… really… in love with him? Again, he blushed and grew all flustered. That was hard to imagine. He hated his guts, didn’t he? He always complained about how lazy and sadistic he was. He couldn’t have meant it.

And if he did?

Broodingly, Gintoki buried his head inside his cushion again. What was he supposed to do now? Should he apologize? Should he ignore it? Should he confess to him, too? That was absurd, completely ridiculous. That wouldn’t work! Not in a thousand years! He wished it would, though…

The exhaustion took over and forced his eyelids to sink. He was so sick and tired of all of this. What should he do? What should he do? Just what the hell should he… do?

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Gin-chaaan! Come here, show’s about to start!” Kagura yelled and shoved a hand full of chips into her mouth, crumbling all over the place.

“Yeah yeah…” A blob was slurping across the room and collapsed on the couch. Only Gin’s head peeked out, a blanket covered the rest of his body. He looked miserable.

“Here you go, Gin-san.” Caringly, Shinpachi served him tea sweetened with honey. “That’ll make you feel better.”

“Yeah…” It was the same answer Gintoki had been giving all morning. He really seemed to be down in the dumps. The glasses character couldn’t tell exactly why, though. He was actually sick, or so it seemed. Maybe he got the flu.

While Kagura was chewing loudly and singing along to the opening of Dragonball, Gin looked as pale as a ghost. He didn’t even seem to pay much attention to one of his favorite shows. Shinpachi pushed his glasses up and examined him carefully. Honestly, he hadn’t seen his mentor like this since the time he had learned that Ketsuno Ana was getting married. Something was up with him. He wanted to know what.

Cautiously, Shinpachi tested the waters. “Gin-san, do you want pudding or strawberry milk? They´re both your favorite, aren’t they?”

“Yeah…”

“Don’t just say _yeah_ … which one is your favorite?”

“Yeah…”

Shinpachi’s eyes twitched, but he kept his calm. Okay, food wasn’t it. Then, maybe something else? “I heard next week they’re going to print colored pages in most of the manga in JUMP, isn’t that great?”

“…Yeah…”

Also wrong? Tsk. “Oh, and by the way… I saw a cute Ketsuno Ana figurine in the shop today. She sure is great, isn’t she?”

“…yeah…”

Shinpachi grew exasperated. He should really stop asking questions that could be answered by this annoying _yeah_. Besides, it couldn’t be that hard to find out what was bothering the silver-haired samurai. “Also, a new Pachinko place opened up in the neighborhood. Do you wanna-“

The next moment, Shinpachi had a foot stomping his face, almost crashing it like a vase. The red-haired alien girl looked at him furiously and shook her fist. “Oi, megane! Will you _shut up_! I’m trying to watch something here!”

Blood dripping out of his nose, Shinpachi shrieked back at her, his eyes popping out. “Kagura-chan! Can’t you read the mood? I’m trying to comfort Gin-san here!”

“Then do it quietly, bastard!” She growled and gave him a threatening look.

“Tsk!” He gave up and crossed his arms. Why did he waste his energy on these two idiots anyway? Frustrated and pouting, he kept his voice low. He gave up and started talking normally. “By the way, Hijikata-san hasn’t shown up since the day before yesterday, right? I met him on my way here, though. He seems to be his old self again. Glad this is over. He certainly wasn’t a pretty sight. I may have liked him as Toushii, but this drug really was pretty strong, don’t you think?”

“…Yeah… falling in love with a _guy_ … what a homo.”

“Eh?” Shinpachi looked up and saw into Gintoki’s blank face. Did he just say something? Cautiously, the black-haired boy with the glasses tried again. “He was drugged, remember? Hijikata-san doesn’t seem the type to fall in love so easily.”

“Yeah… seems like it.” Gin grew even gloomier.

 

Oi, he really did reply! He wasn’t imagining things! Shinpachi was proud of himself. Seemed like Gin was thawing a bit. Maybe he could actually get to the core of it. The boy scratched his head and smiled. “It doesn’t suit him, right? Hijikata-san is usually such a cool character. I just can’t imagine him being in love with someone. And above all, acting like this.”

This time, the strong swordsman with the perm didn’t reply. He just sat there, hugging his legs under the blanket, giving off a dark, cold aura. He was moping and seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper into a slick sulking mode. Shinpachi didn’t understand. But he knew he had to help him, to be there for him. Nodding encouragingly to himself, the boy leaned over to Kagura and whispered in her ear.

She was pushy at first, threatening to kick him again. But after he explained the situation, her face showed signs of genuine surprise. She looked at her guardian and tilted her head. “He _does_ seem gloomy.” She remarked in a hushed voice.

“Right? Therefore, we have to console him and get to the bottom of this. Let’s do it together, Kagura-chan!” Shinpachi whispered as well.

The moping blob on the sofa didn’t even notice them talking about him. He was still caught inside his sticky web of self-pity and desperation.

“Gin-san.” Shinpachi tried carefully, smiling gently. “You know we’re always there for you. So… when something is bothering you… don’t hesitate to talk to us.”

As he didn’t react, Kagura sighed.

The next second, she inhaled a fair amount of air, just to scream it out in an earth-shaking manner the moment later. “GIN-CHAAAAN!”

The man covered his ears, staring at them utterly disbelievingly. “Wha- What the hell?”

Her eyes closed dramatically, Kagura crossed her arms and legs. “Hmph, so you finally snapped out of it. What are you being so gloomy for, Gin-chan? Tell us, or I’ll punch it outta you.”

The glare in Shinpachi’s face showed pure tremor. Honestly, this girl had the tactfulness of a rhinoceros!

“What-what do you mean, Kagura-chan?” Gin smiled, frightened.

She opened only one eye to shoot him a sharp look. “You know what I’m talking about. Speak up! You’ve been acting weird and we want to know why.”

“W-weird?” His terrified smile still trembled.

“Yes, weird! You know I ain’t joking! I’ll thrash you, so start talking. Now!”

Shinpachi looked at his mentor with a calm and troubled expression. “Gin-san. Please. What’s wrong?”

He looked at both of them, still trying to overcome the shock. As he realized how stern they were, he gulped. Seemed like they were serious about that. His heart began pounding again and he cursed it. Still, he didn’t exactly have much of a choice, did he?

Silently mumbling to himself, he closed his eyes and scratched his head. “If it’s that important to you...”

They nodded, refusing to take their eyes off of him. Gin sighed and got nervous. How the hell should he explain this to them? He cuddled inside his blanket and waved his hand a little, to undermine the context.

“Well… It’s like this, ya know…? I’m…”

Both teenagers stared at him, sincerely. They were prepared for the worst. They would help him, nevertheless. Because he was their precious friend and guardian.

“I’m… thinking about… starting to read _Shingeki no Kyojin_ , ya know?”

 

Eh? Both Kagura and Shinpachi stared at him with a blank expression.

Gin was busy twisting his thumbs, looking away unsettled. “You know… it’s like… everyone is talking about it being so great and it’s already running since 2009, but somehow I never really got into reading it, ya know? …I started reading when it came out but lost interest pretty soon. Now everyone loves it and it’s even getting a new season. The characters must’ve developed a lot since then, right? The plot must’ve gotten a lot better, right? The polls even say it’s rated inside the _Top Three_ *, right?!”

Shinpachi’s eyes twitched. Why the hell was he talking about _Attack on Titan_ now? Was that what he was being so gloomy about? For real?

Gin pouted and looked at his feet. “So, I guess… even though I didn’t like it at first… it’s really great, don’t you think?”

“Sure, sure…” The glasses boy replied dryly.

The samurai growled and seemed more flustered than necessary. “It’s not that great, isn’t it? It’s violent and the art is sloppy, and the characters are driving me crazy. There’s no way you’ll be able to like something like that, right? Right? Besides, …it’s disgusting.”

Kagura tilted her head and Shinpachi just sat next to her, unable to follow the direction Gin-san was headed towards. Was this a joke?

“Also…” Gin seemed bothered. “…I always have the option to read classics like _One Piece_ or _Bleach_ again. Even though, they’re still ongoing… there aren’t too many surprises, right? It’s always the same moves and developments and recurring things. It’s not like you’d have to invest so much energy into it. Though, they are still great, right? Everyone loves them, too. So why bother reading something you won’t be sure of whether you’ll like it and how it’ll end…”

Kagura and Shinpachi shared a confused look, though little by little both of them had an idea what he was getting at.

“So, what’ll happen when I start reading it? Will it be just as great? Will my heart break because the characters die? Will I be able to look you guys in the eyes, if I started… _reading_ it? Would you… still…”

“Well…” Shinpachi smiled encouragingly. “That’s not exactly true. You’ll never know what’ll happen in One Piece. The story still has its twists and turns, right? And Oda-sensei still has a vivid imagination, right? Besides, why would you have to decide to read just _one_ of them? You can always read both, right?”

“Yeah!” Kagura pitched in, her voice loud and all fired-up. “Also, you can always read _Dragonball_ again and it will be awesome! But you know how it’ll end and that’s kinda boring, right? It’s taking all the fun and thrill out of it. ‘Cause you know that Goku will come back again and that Videl and Gohan will marry and that Boo is just a fluffy, yummy looking blob! What’s wrong with sticking to what’s good while reading new promising stuff? You will never see the awesome manga when all you do is read the things you know!”

Gintoki stared at them surprised and as their words sunk in, he smiled. God, he was so lucky to have these idiots by his side. “You sure? You know… once I start reading… it’ll be you guys having to listen to me ramble on and on about the story. You might regret… giving me this advice.”

“It’s fine.” Shinpachi smiled. “As long as Gin-san is happy, we’re happy.”

“Yeah!” Kagura cheered before a mocking smile appeared on her face. “Either way, you’re a loser for still reading manga in your Twenties, so who cares anyway?”

All of the sudden, Gintoki chuckled and the glum aura faded. “You might be right about that.”

The two teenagers shared a cheerful look and beamed as well. “But you’ll always be the loser that we’ll call a friend.”

“Thanks… Shinpachi, Kagura.” All of the sudden, he got up and dropped the blanket. He seemed better now, and his face glowed with his smile.

“Gin-san.” The boy with the straight face noted surprised. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah…” He grinned happily and winked at them. “I’m gonna read that manga.”

As he disappeared into his room to change out of his pajamas, Kagura and Shinpachi shared another look. They were both content and relieved to see him smile again. A gloomy Sakata Gintoki was truly an odd sight. But still…

“Shinpachi.” The girl used her empty voice, where she stretched his name with a long _e_. “What was he talking about? Does he really want to read _Shingeki no Kyojin_?”

And suddenly, his face went blank and his voice monotonous. “No clue.”

 

~ ~ ~

                                                                                       

“Oi, you over there!” A little out of breath, Sakata Gintoki jogged over to a man in black. He was in his usual attire, though his hair was a mess. He had been running for a while, but so far still down on his luck.

The man turned around. He had short, silky dark hair and a plain face. As he looked at him, his expression showed genuine surprise. “Danna?”

“Oi.” The former patriot panted a little. “You’re with the Shinsengumi, right?”

The Shinsengumi spy got annoyed and started shouting off the bat. “Of course, I am, you _know_ me! You know me, right? Why do you always pretend you don’t know me?”

“I know you?” Gin asked, clueless.

A throbbing vain sprouted off his forehead. “You know me, danna! I’m Yamazaki! Yamazaki! We’ve been in so many episodes together!”

“We were…?”

“Yeees!” Yamazaki waved his hands, frustrated. “Like the Owee episodes and the Otsu Fanclub arc and the Popularity Poll arc or when you wanted me and Tama to marry! I even almost died in the Shinsengumi Crisis Arc!”

“Oh, that was you?”

He was pissed off now, shouting in his high-pitched voice again. “You refuse to remember? What do you want to imply? That I’m too mundane to be remembered?! Are you that cruel?”

Gin scratched his head apologetically and indifferently at the same time. “Listen, I don’t have time for that. Where´s your Vice Captain?”

“Captain Hijikata?” The black-haired man was surprised. “Why would you want to see him, danna?”

“Does that matter? Just tell me where he is!”

“Okay, okay. He’s patrolling around the Greater Edo Hospital region. But-”

He couldn’t finish because Gintoki was already dashing off again.

“ _Danna_!” Yamazaki yelled at him, pouting as he was being ignored once more. He wondered if he would ever get used to being treated like a second-hand character. “I wonder what’s going on.”

 

Gintoki was racing through the streets, keeping an observant eye on his surroundings. His heart was beating fast and he was genuinely excited. His feelings seemed to boil over any minute now. He still didn´t know exactly what he was going to do. He only knew he wanted to clear things up. And he couldn´t suppress a smile.

As he finally recognized a familiar figure walking down the street, his smile almost blew up his face. Slowing his jog, he approached him and tried to catch his breath. Though he was happy to see him, he didn´t want to admit he ran all the way here for him. So, he approached him little by little, his pulse whirling inside of him. The anticipation made his muscles strain.

“Oi, Hijikata-kun!”

As the nicotine-addicted officer turned around, he looked at him in his normal demeanor. In fact, when he recognized him, he frowned a bit, not amused. “Oh… it´s you. What are you doing here, Yorozuya?”

Gin grinned and teased him just a little bit. “Nothing, nothing.“

The man chewed on his cigarette and gave him a dispassionate look. “Get lost. Or else I´ll arrest you for looking stupid!”

The silver-haired samurai chuckled. Actually, he wouldn´t mind that. Still, he got a little more serious, although also kind of edgy. “So anyways… about yesterday.”

“What about it? Did we meet or something?”

Eh? Suddenly confused, Gintoki stared at him. Was he mocking him? Tsk, what a bastard. He smiled a little bit pissed off now. “What? You playing dumb with me? Come on, you know what I mean.”

Hijikata eyeballed him partly confused, partly bothered, but yet very serious. “No, I don´t. What are you talking about? You drunk?”

“Huh?” Now, Gin was truly baffled. He tilted his head, his hands whirling around a bit. “Come on, not cool. Don´t make me say it.”

“I told you!” The policeman grew impatient and angry. “I have no idea what you´re talking about! Are you trying to mock me, or something?”

No way. Did he really have no clue? Or was he testing him? Gin pouted, getting twitchy. “I´m talking about what you said to me yesterday. Don´t tell me you don´t remember. It´s about the love potion.”

“The what now?” Hijikata looked confused. “What the hell are you blabbering on about? Make yourself clearer, or are you really drunk?”

“Y-you… really don´t remember?”

The Shinsengumi officer grimaced. “What the hell. No! And stop pestering me! You´re creeping me out!”

Gin didn´t understand. What the hell was happening here? Did he really _not_ remember? What the hell! Angrily, he grabbed his wrist and dragged him away from the busy street, right into one of the thousand back alleys. Hijikata was fighting him, insulting him, trying to free himself, but Gin didn´t allow that. He had enough! If that´s the game the police officer wanted to play, then so be it! He had to make sure…

“What the hell, Yorozuya!” The man with the V-shaped hair objected.

Gin let go of him, just to pin him against the wall the next second. His eyes were hard, and he was not joking. “Listen up, mayo freak. I didn´t come all the way here to get this kinda reply. Stop twitting me!”

As far as it was possible, Hijikata looked baffled. He stared at him with a weird mixture of genuine surprise, annoyance, and uncertainty. “ _What is wrong with you?_ Why are you acting like this?”

 “Stop pretending you don´t know what I´m talking about! I´m ready to read this stupid manga, so don´t pretend it´s sold out now!”

“ _What_? What manga? What the hell got into you? You´re giving me the creeps!”

Snarling, Gin grabbed Hijikata´s cheeks and squeezed them together, heavily exasperated now. “Just admit it, dammit! Just admit what you did yesterday! Or else, I´ll force you to! _Are we clear_?”

At last, the dark-haired man had enough. He shoved him away and shouted at him. “Are you out of your mind? Get your hands off me, or I´ll cut them off!”

Gin was super pissed at that moment. He stared at him as if he was truly about to assault him. What the hell! Did he really not remember? More importantly: was he really not in love with him, after all? Was this just a sick joke to get back at him? He was fuming.

“What the hell, you jerk! Stop pretending nothing happened! I made up my mind, so stop being such a bullhead!”

The policeman, though utterly bewildered and a little bit intimidated, didn´t give in. He stared at him, giving him a fair warning instead. “I have _absolutely no idea_ what you´re talking about! And frankly, I don´t give a rat´s ass either. I´m working right now, unlike useless citizens like you! I don´t have time for your nonsense! Shove off or I´ll arrest you, Shiroyasha!”

“Youuuuu…”

He backed away, little by little, his hand on his sword. “Back off, I mean it. I´ll throw you in the slammer with the rest of your friends. Don´t know what´s gotten into you and don´t wanna know either. So, leave me alone, bastard.”

Gintoki couldn´t do anything but stare at him furiously. His eyes were those of a demon and he felt hell raining down on him. His pulse was strangling him, and his fist clenched brutally. _He couldn´t be serious,_ could he?

Hijikata Toushirou growled softly and shot him a last warning gaze. “One more stunt like this and it´s your end, Yorozuya.” The next second, he turned around and walked into the brightly lit busy street.

Gintoki was left behind, giving off a creepy aura. _What the hell?!_

 

Without thinking, he began to run. He wasn´t going to take that! He was going right after him, to settle this once and for all!

The man with the red eyes had just taken a few steps back into daylight as well when a familiar voice brought him to a halt.

This time, the sloppy samurai was sure he had been waiting. He had been waiting for this very moment, hiding. Gintoki turned around and his look would have instilled fear in every sane man. Unfortunately, Okita Sougo wasn´t a very sane one.

The blond police officer grinned and chewed his gum. “ _Danna_ , what a surprise to see you here.”

He wanted to strangle him! Sneering, he turned around and eyed him like a beast did its prey. “Okita-kuuun…”

Tilting his head, the young man smiled innocently. “Did you know? Hijikata-kun´s back to his old self. Apparently, however, he doesn´t remember a damn thing. Lucky us, right?”

“So… you wanna tell me…” Gin trembled. “…that yesterday… he was still drugged…?” Meaning his confession for him was part of the drug and hence… a fake?

“Yes.” Sougo grinned at him devilishly. _He knew_! He knew, damn it! “Why? Did you two guys hit it off, or something?”

There was so much rage, Gintoki didn´t know where to start or what to say. His mouth dropped open, but he was too agitated to respond anything. This bastard!

“What´s up, _danna_? Why so angry? You should be glad, right? You don´t need to worry anymore. He won´t bother you any longer.”

“Kch… you… the photos… where are they?”

“Oh, those? Well, I didn´t show them to him yet. I´ll wait a few days.”  His smile was _pure evil_. “I want to savor it as long as I can.”

He would rip his freaking balls off! Slowly, like a preying lion, Gintoki approached him, his mind blanking.

“By the way…” Sougo chuckled. “Why are you so furious? _Oh, danna_ … Could it be… you´ve fallen in love with Hijikata-san?”

His cheeks were flaming red and he roared mercilessly as he attacked him.

“LIKE HELL I DID!”

 

_Love Potion – End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annotations:  
> *This is a reference to both the rating of Attack on Titan to be one of the best selling mangas and the Popularity Poll Arc when Hijikata ranked 3rd Place (Episode 182-184 of the anime)
> 
> Look forward to the 2 bonus chapters, that will be coming. One from Gintoki's perspective, one from Hijikata's.


	7. A hopeless fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter - Gintoki´s perspective

## A hopeless fool

 

“Haaah…” it was an exasperated sigh.

Wearily, he circled the edge of his sake cup with his fingertips. His head lay comfortable on top of his bent arm, resting on the table. With his head feeling warm and tired from the sake, he looked into nothingness. The smell of boiling meat and vegetables drifted into his nose from time to time, but he was already so used to it that he didn´t realize it anymore. It was night now and the streets far off were busy with people enjoying themselves. Not unlike Gin one might suspect. But somehow he was enjoying neither eating nor drinking at his favorite oden booth for one bit.

It was a little run-down and most people didn´t bother coming to booths like this anymore. The Kabuki-chō district had fancy restaurants and bars now and no one wanted to sit in the cold night facing an old man with wrinkles on his face. No one except for himself perhaps. Sure, Gintoki was a traditional man and he enjoyed these older parts of Japan. Maybe because it reminded him of the past and what he had back then. Or maybe he was just old-fashioned. Either way, he was alone in the booth once again. Only him and the old man pouring him sake from time to time. It was depressing.

“Something got ya down there, Gin-san?” the shopkeeper asked considerately and eyed him from the side.

“Hah…” His eyes were unsteady and he pouted while continuingly circling his cup. “Not really, I guess… It´s just… drinking alone is no fun.”

“That might be true.” The old man pondered and then smiled. “Though, I´m still glad ya come here and keep me company. It get´s pretty lonely sometimes with all the customers going elsewhere.”

“Yeah...” Gin sighed once more and rubbed his neck, closing his eyes. “Oi, pops… give me some more sake.”

The old man took the bottle and poured the alcohol skillfully into Gin´s smaller one. “Just don´t overdo it. Ya know ya can´t hold your liquor. And ya already had a lot.”

“No, I didn´t.” the silver-haired man responded quickly and pouted again. He wasn´t drunk, his head was clear. All too clear. He wanted to change that. He wanted to get drunk, wanted to forget, wanted to drown his feelings. “And who are you anyway? My mom?”

 A giggle. “Just saying. If you´re not looking out for yaself, I gotta do it, right?”

“Hrm.” he grumbled, took a sip and shut his eyes. His thoughts were spinning like a carousel. He had wanted to disembark for some time now, but whenever he turned around, he realized he was still on this damn carousel, spinning, and spinning. Spinning around a certain thing he just couldn´t forget, something that was driving him crazy.

He thought of steel blue eyes.

His stomach turned when his face flashed up in his memory and he had to hold his breath for a second. He had these feelings once in a while and when they came, they were unbearable. It was an annoying scratching inside his chest, a hard hammering against his ribs and a tightening of his gut. Every time these eyes looked at him from out of his memories, he felt helpless, felt a longing inside of him that just hurt. And he was sick of it.

It had been weeks since that incident. It felt like months. He didn´t know anymore. He only knew he had tried to avoid him ever since. How could he not? Hijikata´s confession obviously had been a phase of the love potion, hence a fake, and Gin had just been too dumb to realize that. He had been walking into that trap like an idiot. He had really thought the cop was in love with him.

Uh. Depressed, Gin´s head hit the wood of the table and the air around him got colder. He was such an idiot. For weeks now, he had been trying to ignore all of it. At times, it had really worked quite well. But whenever he met the mayonnaise guy, he kind of relapsed. Whenever he saw him, he broke out in a sweat and his throat got dry. Of course, he overplayed it with his bickering when there was a chance. But for the most part, he just avoided every direct confrontation with him. He couldn´t look into his eyes and pretend nothing had happened. He wished he could though, but he couldn´t. He wasn´t able to reverse his feelings for him to the state they had been before. Damn it at all.

The worst part about it was the uncertainty. Was Hijikata in love with him? Wasn´t he? Was there something between them at all? Had everything been a lie? Planned by a mischievous sadist who loved to torture them both? Well, everything had gone according to this guy´s plan, hadn´t it? Gin didn´t actually know if Okita had shown him the photos, but he was assuming it. This meant that Hijikata knew what had happened between them in this love potion arc. He wondered what Okita had told him. Not as though Gin could actually ask him. Gah, damn it all!

While Gin was busy moping, the old man eyed him calmly. His voice was soft. “Ya really seem down tonight.”

“Ugh….” The broke samurai hid his face and didn´t want to talk about it.

The old man smirked. “So, is it about love?”

Abruptly, Gin´s glance shot up and he stared at the old man with cheeks red from the alcohol. “What? ´s not!”

He laughed, amused. “Well, ya do look lovelorn tonight.”

“´m not.” The man pouted and blushed for real now. Damn alcohol.

“So, who´s the lucky one? Care to tell me what she´s like?”

Gintoki hid his face and took another sip of sake, resting his head on his hand. “… _She_ ´s… not very feminine…”

“Hahaha, I know what ya mean. I had a few of those in my days back then.”

Yeah, sure. The former Joui rebel suppressed another sigh and looked away. “…not the kind of person I normally like…” He mumbled, not really in the mood to talk about it. Why would he anyway? It was no one´s business.

“What kind of person do ya normally like?”

“…Big cans… with a loveable smile and a decent personality. …Like Ketsuno Ana…” Yeah, those two couldn´t be any more different, could they?

“Ahh, the weather lady. Yeah, she´s a real cutie. Can´t argue with that.” He laughed.

Gin moped. Yeah, she was. So why the hell was he in love with an of mayonnaise and cigarette reeking cop instead? That didn´t make any sense. 

“But this person is special to ya either way, isn´t she?” The man eyed him gently. “There must be things that make her lovable, too, right?”

Yeah, like what? Being a strong, dependable fighter? Being an idiot with a bad personality and some weird ass eating fetishes? Having beautiful eyes fitting his independent and tough character? Damn it!

As Gin remained silent, the shopkeeper found he wouldn´t talk about it. It was fine with him either way. He didn´t want to pry. He was just enjoying the company. With a tiny smile, he poked around the boiling vegetables to cook them throughout. “Whatever is troubling ya, I´m sure you´ll come around. You´re a strong one, aren´t ya?”

“Another round of sake.” He replied monotonously and was happy when the old man did. He didn´t want to go too deep into this mess again. He had been there way too often already. It was driving him crazy. Admitting to himself how this guy´s face and smile made him queasy. Admitting he was indeed quite a handsome man. Or even admitting they were so similar, they probably knew each other best. Hijikata understood him more than anyone. Maybe that´s why Gintoki knew there was no chance for them to get together. Both of them weren´t exactly the type for that. They were lonesome man afraid of commitment. They were too stubborn to confess any feelings they might have for each other. Gintoki had seen it before. Just like Hijikata did with Mitsuba back then. He wouldn´t come out of his shell for him. Especially not for him.

The corners of his mouth sunk without him realizing it. He stared off into the distance again and didn´t actually care what was going on around him. His senses were blurred with the warm feeling of sake in his stomach and the acetous scent of the oden in his nose. He felt just a bit dizzy, just a little tired. He closed his eyes for a second and sighed. Damn it…

 

“The usual for me, pops.”

“Oh, it´s you. Long time no see!” The old man chimed and greeted the new customer with an honest smile.

Gin´s heart skipped a beat when the familiar voice broke through the silent night. He felt his neck hair crawl and a cold shiver running through his innards. Befuddled, he looked to the side and when their eyes met, he thought he was going to die for a second.

Next to him, none other than the demonic Vice Chief of the Shinsengumi sat down, dressed in his usual off-work garment. When he saw the Yorozuya, he seemed surprised as well, but looked away seemingly annoyed the next instant. Gin´s pulse accelerated and he turned away, too. _Damn it!_

“I haven´t seen ya round much lately, how have ya been?” The old man greeted Hijikata as he prepared the usual order for him. Rice with oden and lots of mayonnaise, of course.

The policeman mumbled a reply and didn´t seem quite satisfied. “Just the usual.”

“Ah, ´course.” the man scratched his head and sighed. What were the odds that two of his most secretive customers were coming to see him at the same time? Tough luck, he guessed. He served him his bowl with a smile and tried to make the best of it though. “Sorry for the wait.”

“Thanks.” Hijikata muttered and took up his chopsticks to eat in silence.  He was ignoring the man next to him as much as possible.

It pissed Gintoki off, but there was still the stinging in his chest, so he remained silent. He knew, he was supposed to tease him. That was the nature of their encounters, anyway. But tonight, he just wasn´t in the mood. His heart was crying in pain just from this short look and he didn´t want to do something stupid. So he tried to ignore him and drank his sake instead.

That felt really weird, however. Them sitting so close together in a booth they had met each other once or twice before. Not saying a word and pretending they were strangers. That wasn´t Gin´s style at all. He felt stupid doing that. It felt like running away. And he wasn´t a coward. Or was he?

He gulped and felt his fingertips prickle nervously. He said the first thing that popped into his head. “Pops… give me some more sake. …And throw in a cup for this guy, too.”

“Aye aye!” He did as he was told while Hijikata stared at him. Gin just knew he stared. But he wasn´t able to look back just yet. He was too nervous.

“I don´t wanna drink with you.”

He knew he would say that. “Just loosen up for once, Mr. Policeman. Can´t hurt once in a while.” Gin managed to reply calmly and relatively confident. He was almost proud.

“Hrm.” He snorted but didn´t complain. That was something Gin hadn´t been expecting. Though he was relieved he didn´t decline.

When the old man filled their cups, Gin emptied his and searched for the courage to eye him. He didn´t have to, he knew. There was no point in them glaring at each other. Still, he wished he had a little bit more courage right now. The sake helped him lift his gaze to Hijikata´s cup. He hadn´t touched it yet.

Wow, this was really hard. What the hell should they talk about? How could he start a conversation? Though they might have some things in common, they never talked normally to each other. So he had no clue what to say. It´s not like they needed words to understand each other, but this silence was just plain weird. So he tried his best.

“What´s the matter? Is it beneath a cop like you to drink with a simple Odd Jobs like me?”

Hijikata seemed annoyed and didn´t look at him. “I´m not a drunkard like you. I don´t drink to forget my miserable life.”

Kch, he was drinking to forget about this guy's miserable _face_. Just a little angry about that comment, he waved it off. “You should, though. ´s stuff is good.”

A moment of silence reigned before the deep voice toppled it with a low mutter. “Fine…”

As he emptied his cup, Gintoki wondered why he was so tame tonight. Maybe he had remembered the thing with the Love Potion after all? Nah, even if. His gaze wandered a bit more to the right towards him until he could take a peek at his hand and food. Even that gave him a thrill. He was such a joke. With his heart beating a little bit faster than it should have, he refilled Hijikata´s cup.

He didn´t exactly know why he did that. Maybe he just wanted them to drink a little. Maybe even this silent gesture was enough for him. It made him feel a little closer to him.

Another silent moment went by and Gin didn´t know what to do. He wanted him to stay, he wanted him to leave, he wanted them to be alone. He wanted clarity, he was afraid to hear the answer. The feelings began spinning again inside his chest and he cussed a little. How the hell did he get into that kind of mess?

Slowly, his gaze wandered towards him, eyed his fingers, the sleeves of his kimono, up to his chest and finally his head. His dark hair, his blue eyes, the thin lips opening only when he put food in his mouth. Gin felt the tingling in his stomach again. Everything inside of him drew him to this man. He wanted to get closer, close enough so he could touch him, smell him and feel his body heat. Gin blushed and blamed it on the alcohol. Still, he couldn´t deny this yearning and he didn´t want to resist. He wanted to try, just a little bit.

Almost unnoticeably, he moved over to him, inch by inch. He came closer and closer, just until their legs touched and they sat closely next to each other. Gin´s head was flushed and his pulse was smothering him. He was too damn nervous. And still, he couldn´t stop. He wondered if it was the liquor. Silently, he just sat there, directly next to him and took a sip of his cup, pretending nothing happened.

He was too edgy to look at Hijikata to see his reaction. But as long as he didn´t move away from him, he was fine that way. He leaned against his shoulder when he refilled Hijikata´s cup once more. As long as his sake cup was full, he wouldn´t go, right?

“Yorozuya…” The voice made him wince for a split of a second.

He tried to hide how fidgety it made him when Hijikata called him that. “What? The sake´s good, right?”

“…Yeah…” He couldn´t see his exact reaction, but he was relieved Hijikata didn´t bring up how close they were. He really wondered if he felt something, too. He really wondered if his heart rate was accelerating, too.

“Drink, Hijikata-kun.” He reiterated and took a small sip from his cup. “Night´s cold tonight.”

And finally, he did. They both did, in fact, even though Gin took special care of Hijikata´s cup to always be full. It´s not like he wanted to get him drunk, really. He genuinely just wanted to be with him. He enjoyed his presence, his warmth, his smell. God, he smelled good. Gin avoided looking at him most of the time. He didn´t know how long they had been sitting like this. But after some time, Hijikata had emptied quite an impressive amount of sake cups and his breath started reeking of booze. He even heard him _hick_. He found it incredibly cute.

Hijikata staggered a bit to the left and right and Gin observed him with a crooked smile. When the cop tumbled a bit to his side, Gin put his arm around his back to hold him and prevent him from falling. Hijikata did the same and clutched onto his kimono. Gin smiled at him, amused.

“Wow, you really can´t hold your liquor, can you?”

Hijikata mumbled some indistinguishable words and looked away, embarrassed. Gintoki held him tight, craving the closeness. He was happy for a moment. He wanted to do so much more, though. God, he wanted to do be alone with him so badly. No judging eyes. Just the two of them. The heat got to his head and the thought made his heart jump. Unseen, he nuzzled against his hair in pretense of helping him up. He was so warm.

“I think that´s enough liquor for ya two.” The shopkeeper smiled and shot Gin a look. “Would ya mind bringing him home?”

“What? No way!” He protested faintly, although he didn´t mind at all. He wanted to be alone with him more than anything now. The silver-haired man knew it was stupid. But he couldn´t help it. So he tightened his embrace and swung Hijikata´s arm around his shoulder. Holding him, he gave the shopkeeper a wink. “Fine, I´ll do it. Put our drinks on his tab, will ya?”

“No way I´m paying for your drunk ass.” he heard Hijikata lull and couldn´t resist a smile.

The old man chuckled and waved them off. “Thanks for the visit. See ya two around!”

Gin waved back and then concentrated on picking up Hijikata. Satisfied and still just a little bit nervous, he glanced at him. They were so close. With his heart beating fiercely, he stumbled onwards, trying to support his drunk friend. He was trying his best to get him home. Or at least, that´s what he told himself.

 

The tipsy policeman mumbled from time to time and Gin found that incredibly cute. While walking through the streets, he tried his best to avoid people and crowds. He didn´t want to run into someone they knew. On the one hand, because he didn´t want to explain this to anyone, on the other, he wanted to savor being so close to his favorite policeman. Not that he was very fond of the police in the first place. But he would make an exception in his case. So he navigated around the city and took his time. He pondered what to do. How he could prolong being with him for just a bit more. Then, he had an idea he was almost proud of.

Japan was famous for its thousands and thousands of back alleys. They needed the space between the houses in case of fire and earthquakes and sorting out their trash. They were also most commonly used for dirty businesses because they were so dark and provided privacy to some extent. And _oh_ , how he craved for some privacy right now.

With his heart beating nervously, he looked around to make sure no one was watching them. The street was quite deserted. Only a few people were walking before them, some others were having a smoke in front of a bar. Feeling relatively save, Gin looked at Hijikata and grinned.

“Let´s… take this way. It´s a shortcut.”

Confused, the drunk officer looked around and lulled. “No, it´s not…”

“Sure it is.” Without allowing any protest, Gintoki turned and dragged Hijikata into the narrow dark alley. He felt a little bit cheap, but there was really nothing else he could do. Besides, he wasn´t planning on doing something nasty. He just wanted to be with him for a while more… that´s all.

They tumbled a few steps inside the alley and Hijikata didn´t seem particularly happy. “What´s wrong with you, …Yorozuya?”

“Nothing´s wrong with me.” Just a few more steps, just so far that they would be covered in the twilight. God, he was so cheap. But right now, he couldn´t think straight. He just wanted to do it. As soon as they were far away enough from the street, Gintoki stopped. His heart was crying in pain, begging him to do it and stop it at the same time.

“Yorozuya…?” The black-haired man replied unsure, looking at him. He was unsteady and drunk.

So Gin pulled Hijikata close into his arms and leaned his back against the wall. He could feel the stone and concrete giving him stability. His head was spinning. He had a few drinks himself, after all. But now, wrapping his arms around the Vice Commander and drawing him closer and closer to himself, he felt lightheaded. Gin took a deep breath and took in as much of his scent as possible. He savored it, let it melt on his tongue. It felt so good.

The man in his arms went a little stiff but didn´t fight the embrace. He mumbled Gintoki´s name and it made him insanely blissful. Gin tightened the hug and nuzzled against his cheek and neck, just like cats did with their favorite things. His lips brushed Hijikata´s collar and ear. The scent of him got stronger. He smelled of sweat and cigarettes and mayonnaise. But also of himself, a hard to pinpoint soft scent which made Gintoki queasy.

He suppressed a moan and buried his nose in his hair. “Hijikata…”

There was a gulp, he felt it. Slowly, the cop´s hands were rising too, curling around his back as if he was clutching to him. His voice was as deep as always and the hushed way he talked to him, made him shiver inside. “…Gintoki… you´re drunk…”

“Not as drunk as you…” the silver-haired samurai chuckled happily. He found him so insanely cute.

Gin was still leaning against the wall, supporting Hijikata who was lying in his arms. Just a few more seconds, he hugged him before one of his hands wandered upwards to his head. He pushed him a few inches backward so he could see his face. The fingers of his hand were cupping his cheek, tracing his features, softly brushing away strands of black hair. Gintoki felt hot, as in a fever, overheating. He was still nervous, but the longing was stronger now. He looked at the man in front of him. The Shinsengumi officer seemed troubled, torn, not sure what to do. The former rebel couldn´t resist. He leaned towards him, just a bit, just an inch before their lips would meet. God, he really wanted to kiss him right now.

The cop blushed and looked another way. He mumbled something and clutched himself even harder to Gintoki. Gin could feel his strong arms and felt strangely safe. Was he going too far? They were both kind of drunk so who knew if he would even remember anything? He didn´t want to mess things up. And still, he also wanted the truth. He was so sick of hiding it.

“Do you like me?” Gintoki whispered, knowing he was going down a path where there was no turning back.

“What… kind of question is that?” Hijikata replied, ashamed, still looking into another direction though also still embracing him with both arms.

A chuckle and he smiled happily, caressing his temples and cheeks with his fingers. “Is that a yes?”

“It´s a: how the hell would you get this kind of impression?”

For a second, Gintoki closed his eyes and chewed his lips. He was thirsty and a little bit dizzy. He tried his best not to attack the guy in front of him and ruin the whole thing. His heartbeat was humming in his throat and his tongue, an electrical vibe was rushing through his veins. He glanced at Hijikata and got uneasy again.

“So… when you said you´re in love with me… that was a lie?”

He got no reply, just blue eyes avoiding direct contact. Gin´s chest tightened. God, this hurt so much. He wanted to make sure, to finally know the answer. Was he or wasn´t he in love with him? Damn it.

“…I…”

As Hijikata was about to answer, an irrational fear beset him. All of the sudden, he couldn´t bear the answer. Apparently, he was a coward after all. With a fake chuckle, he shook his head and lowered his eyes. He was too damn scared. “…Just kidding… just kidding…”

He felt a stare on him and it made his legs grow weak. All of that hadn´t made any sense in the first place. There was no way Hijikata would have meant his confession back then. He had been under the influence of a heavy drug after all. Also, Gintoki couldn´t imagine the psycho cop to confess his love in such a way, anyway. The swordfighter was a man of few words. Besides, Gin was a mess. There was no way a man like him could really fall in love with him.

So he decided to keep his feelings hidden. To stop trying and start swallowing the things he wanted until they wouldn´t surface anymore. It was nothing but trouble anyway…

Carefully, he pushed Hijikata away and the cold of the night filled the spot where he had been. He shivered and hated it. And still, he knew it was for the best. He turned away from him, letting go of him completely. “Sorry, Hijikata-kun… I think I´m a little too drunk. I think that´s why I´m acting a bit strange today. So don´t mind anything I said… I´m sure you´ll find your way home alone, won´t you?”

The policeman didn´t answer and Gintoki was starting to walk, slowly walking away from him. His heart was cold and lonely and he felt the fear overpower him completely. He really belonged here, didn´t he? Right to where people put their garbage.

Because he too was trash.

 

~ ~ ~

 

That was the last thing Gintoki could recall from this evening. He had had weird-ass dreams and wondered if he had slept at all. A giant hangover was looming above him, torturing him. He had been lying motionlessly for a while now, trying to put his memories back together. He certainly was in his bedroom and he undoubtedly lay on his futon. Though he still wore his usual attire, he hadn´t changed into his pajamas. This meant he had been way too drunk yesterday. Still, he had to give himself credit for getting back home. He ought to be proud.

Still, his chest felt tight and he sighed. Good thing nothing had happened last night. If he would have woken up next to this bastard, he didn´t know if he would have survived that. He had made the right decision. They just weren´t cut out to be like that. This was neither the time nor the right anime for such an encounter. Maybe he should put up a vote to make Gintama P+18. He knew some people who would support that. Damn perverts. But then again, it was fine the way it was, wasn´t it? He would just ignore these feelings, bottle them up and hide them where it was impossible to find them. And who knew? Maybe there would be a time when he would change his mind. Maybe there would be a time when he would confess to him, no matter what.

But right now, that was impossible.

Smiling, he closed his eyes and held his breath. Yeah, maybe sometime in the future. That had a nice ring to it.

The high-pitched cry of a warrior broke into his head and almost shattered his ear conch. For a moment, he turned deaf. A pissed-off alien girl was using his body like a trampoline, shouting at him to finally get up. Gin was screaming under her, begging for mercy, but in response, she just stomped his face. He had no idea what she was yelling or why she was so mad. But under the heavy pounding and the mighty hangover, he had one thought only.

He was fine the way he was now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look forward to the last chapter, which is my personal favourite.


	8. A drunk fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter - Hijikata's perspective

## A drunk fool

It had been a long day.

Way too long, even for his taste. Sure, he was a workaholic and his private life basically nonexistent in the first place. But still, maybe he had been working a little bit too much recently. There was not much he could do about it though. He had always had this habit. When he had been younger, it had been throwing himself into fights, now, it was throwing himself into work. Not much of a difference, to be honest. Sometimes he thought he hadn't changed at all since these days. Still avoiding unpleasant situations by ignoring them.

Hijikata Toushiro was walking through the bustling streets, a cigarette tucked between his lips and one hand brushing through his hair from time to time. He was wearing his simple dark yukata, had changed out of his uniform for once. It wasn’t often he spent his evening roaming the streets. But he couldn’t stand being at the Shinsengumi headquarters now. Not with Sougo constantly on the prey. He needed some alone time, he needed to get his mind off things.

The policeman found himself walking through the busy alleys of Kabuki-chō, the dirty night district with all its shady bars and sex shops, the dance clubs and the prostitutes. Actually, the Kabuki-chō was a district he was avoiding at all costs if he could. But tonight, he just wanted to drink. Of course, Hijikata Toushiro was not the type of man who would go to cabarets or nightclubs or even shady bars. He preferred to drink alone and he didn't like that many people being around him. So he passed the clubs and bars and glanced at them occasionally, though he still knew he wouldn’t go in there anyway. He was just walking around, almost aimlessly, trying to find a place to rest.

The buzzing streets gave him a headache, made him feel out of place. He was a quiet, down-to-earth character, so he didn’t fit into this very well. Plus, being surrounded by so many people made him feel even lonelier. He couldn’t remember when such a feeling had ever emerged inside of him so irrefutable. But it was there, no doubt about it. And it gnawed at him with its ugly teeth.

He lit another cigarette and walked forward without really paying attention to his surroundings. His thoughts were spinning, but ultimately always returning to one thing only. A man with silver hair and piercing, mysterious red eyes.

It gave him a headache and he growled lowly. He didn’t want to think of him, that was the whole point of working long hours and drinking in his free time. Though it was hard _not_ to think of him, especially with Sougo around reminding him every single minute.

It had been a few weeks since that incident, maybe a month or more. He didn’t exactly remember, time was flying by. He still remembered the day the Yorozuya had been acting strangely though, yelling at him and pinning him against a wall. Hijikata still didn’t know what to make of it. Yet, just a few days later Sougo had _explained_ it to him. That he had been under the influence of a love potion and that he had been insanely in love with the Yorozuya. He even blackmailed quite a bit out of him for the photos.

Hijikata had burned them without really looking at them. He didn’t want to know what had happened exactly. He would play it as if he didn’t remember anything and thus, nothing had ever happened. It was a smart strategy, at least in his head. Since then he avoided the Yorozuya at all costs. Not that this was news. He had been avoiding this troublemaker for quite some time now. But still, he didn’t know how to behave around him should they meet again. Maybe the good-for-nothing samurai wanted to forget it as well. This way, everything would go back to normal, right?

The man with the olive-brown hair sighed and let his fingers run through his hair once more. He was still mad at Sougo for setting this up. He was used to being humiliated by both him and the Yorozuya, but this had been going too far. Drugging someone to fall in love with another? He didn’t think the shady samurai had done anything to him, but still. This could have gone nasty. Really, was Sougo still punishing him for the story with his sister?

A low growl dripped out of his mouth when he thought about Mitsuba. He avoided this string of thought at all costs and tried to focus on something else. What was wrong with Sougo anyway? He couldn’t believe a single word out of his mouth anymore. When he had shown him the photos, he had been going on and on about how the Yorozuya was in love with him. That he had fallen for him and even confessed. Hijikata wanted to strangle him for saying that. Such an absurd thought. And still, it made his chest feel queasy.

 

He wasn’t fighting the realization that he was in love with this man anymore. He had been aware of that for quite some time now. He wasn’t exactly proud of it or wanted it to get any worse, but he accepted it. Kind of. He had realized these feelings were similar to what he felt for Mitsuba. Only different and a lot stronger. In some ways, the two of them were kind of similar.

Like in the things he liked about them. Both Mitsuba and the silver-haired perm had strong hearts, strong wills, and weird eating fetishes. They both were charismatic, proud and kind of carefree. But most of all: both of their smiles were pure and full of love and made his heart skip a beat.

Yet, both of them couldn’t be any more different. The Yorozuya was physically strong, he was an experienced fighter and he was bowing to no one. With him, he didn’t need to fear he would be dying, even though this guy was reckless. The Yorozuya was shameless, was a sadist and not at all timid and gentle like Mitsuba had been. Plus, he was a man. Though, that was kind of obvious.

Hijikata took a deep, bitter drag and closed his eyes for a second. A cabaret girl ogled him and threw a kiss in his direction, but he refused and walked right past her. Sakata Gintoki really was an odd fellow. He was charismatic, he had to give him that. Everyone loved him, respected him. People were drawn to his side, even though he was such a loser. Hijikata was no exception, it seemed. It didn’t matter how much he struggled, in the end, he was always drawn to him. Sometimes, he was a little bit jealous, sometimes envious. It was one of the few things they truly differed in. Gin was a charmer, Hijikata was a loner. He was so carefree, even though he had had a tough past. That’s what he admired about him.

Of course, Hijikata Toushiro didn’t know the whole story. But he was a cop and he had been doing research about the Shiroyasha for quite some time. He knew the Yorozuya had fought in the war and he knew he had lost his teacher as well as his friends. He knew he had been sentenced to be executed and he knew he had been tortured and imprisoned. He had lost everything. And yet, there he was, owning a small company with two teenagers and a grumpy old lady as his landlord. There he was, getting by because he helped people and risked his life for strangers. There he was, accepting his defeat and living with his life choices without looking back.

He had a lot of respect for him.

Of course, he wouldn’t admit that out loud. And yet, that was definitely how he felt towards him.  Since the very beginning, there had been this strange connection between them. They were more alike than both of them cared to admit. They always understood each other without saying a thing. They didn’t need words to show each other they cared for the other. And he was deeply grateful for everything Gin had done for him. Every arc he had been at his side, fighting with him, alongside him. He understood him the most. He had always helped him to help himself. This man was indeed the best man, he knew. He had a good heart. Just like Kondou. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t killed him yet.

Another sigh and a new cigarette. Hijikata was finally taking a turn, leaving the busy street and walking alongside the river. He was aiming for a little place he had been going to a lot lately. It was quiet there and the food was good. Plus, the owner knew what he liked and was fine with leaving him alone. So he was heading there for the night. He didn’t want to think about that anymore, anyway. There was really nothing he could do about it. It wasn’t like he would ever go out with this man or even confess his love. Again. This wasn’t the right anime for that, anyway. Things were good just as they were. There wasn’t any need to make things more complicated. So he wouldn’t go into that any further. Nothing would change and that’s the way it should be.

The small oden booth was in sight and Hijikata took a last drag of his cigarette. He knew it was forbidden to smoke in there and he was an upright citizen after all. So he savored the last smoke and squeezed the cigarette into his personal ash pouch. Pulling the curtains away, he stepped into the booth and announced himself with a nod and a monotone voice.

 “The usual for me, pops.”

“Oh, it's you!” The old man with the honest smile chimed. He had an accent, but it wasn’t that strong. ”Long time no see!”

Hijikata nodded again and took a seat. Although the second he was about to sit down, his eyes glanced over to the other customer and his heart froze.

 

He was looking into the dumb, reddened face of none other than the good-for-nothing samurai he had _just_ vowed to not think about anymore tonight. God, he really had some bad luck.

The cop's heart skipped a beat when the familiar face was staring at him. He felt his neck hair crawl and a cold shiver running through his innards. Befuddled, he stared back for a long moment. But then, feeling his heartbeat going mad, he turned away hastily.

 “I haven't seen you 'round much lately, how have you been?” The old man greeted Hijikata as he prepared the usual order for him. Rice with oden and lots of mayonnaise, of course.

The policeman mumbled a reply. He couldn’t think straight. His pulse was giving him a hard time. “Just the usual.”

“Ah, 'course.” The man scratched his head and sighed. “Sorry for the wait.”

“Thanks.” Hijikata muttered and took up his chopsticks to eat in silence. He was ignoring the man next to him as much as possible. At least, that’s what he tried. He knew it was childish and it wasn’t exactly what he wanted. But if they faced off now, he didn’t now what to do or say. They hadn’t spoken to each other since that incident and he still didn’t know exactly what had happened during the time he had been drugged. Damn it! He was so damn twitchy.

There was a sting in his chest. He tried to play it cool and not to show how utterly helpless he felt. All of the sudden, everything came back, pounding against him. All the photos and the things Sougo said about this guy being in love with him. Damn this sadist! He was furious at him! But right now, he was also trapped within his own feelings for this man. Well, so much for ignoring that. The moment he had cast his eyes upon him, he had felt that spark again. There really was no saving him, was there?

It took a few quiet minutes for Hijikata to cool down at least a little bit. He also realized that Gin was completely silent. He wondered what was up with him. But he was too much chicken to take a look and check. From the corner of his eye, he only saw him drinking his sake. He seemed to have had quite a few drinks already. Another few minutes until he realized, the Yorozuya wasn’t teasing him as he usually did. In fact, he seemed quite tame tonight. What was up with that?

It wasn’t for a few moments later that the silver-haired man left of him finally said something. Hijikata cringed a bit when he heard his voice, instantly thinking he was talking to him at first.

“Pops… give me some more sake. …And throw a cup in for this guy, too.” The samurai ordered with a throaty sound.

“Aye aye!” The old man happily did as he was told while Hijikata couldn’t help but stare.

Though still nervous, the Shinsengumi officer needed to see his face now. What? He ordered drinks for both of them? What was up with him? He knew he was a drunkard, but still…

“I… don't wanna drink with you.” Hijikata ushered inertly.

“I knew you would say that.” Gin whispered and seemed partly sad, partly bothered. He didn’t look back at him, though. “Just loosen up for once, Mr. Policeman. Can't hurt once in a while.”

“Hrm.” Nervously, Hijikata’s head spun back and he felt his heart itching. The tension between them was hard to bear and he honestly was grateful for a drink. He had been meaning to drink tonight anyway. And with this man as his companion, he sure as hell needed something strong. Still, he didn’t dare to take the first sip. Something held him back. He didn’t know what.

 “What's the matter?” Gintoki’s words tripped him up. His voice was a little bit raucous and damped. “Is it beneath a cop like you to drink with a simple Odd Jobs like me?”

Hijikata blushed just a little bit and avoided looking at him. He bit his lip in frustration. “I'm not a drunk like you. I don't drink to forget my miserable life.”

“Kch, I’m drinking to forget about your miserable _face_.” The Yorozuya mumbled and waved his hand.  “You should, though. ' stuff is good.”

Something was definitely off about him, but Hijikata couldn’t put a finger on it. He interpreted the gesture as an offer of peace, or maybe rather a truce. He knew he had to take it and he wanted to take it. So he took his cup and emptied it with a low mutter. “Fine…”

Silently, the Yorozuya refilled his cup. Hijikata noted that even more suspiciously. Yet, instead of gulping it down, he continued eating. He didn’t want to drink on an empty stomach. He didn’t want to get shitfaced drunk.

While eating, he realized the man’s gaze wandering. He was looking at him, almost shyly. Of course, the policeman only saw that from the corner of his eye. He didn’t want to stare at him. But yet, being observed like this made him itchy. He felt a tingling in his stomach. How did it come to this? That even his gaze would turn him all flustered like this?

 

All of the sudden, he felt the perm-head nudging him. It was just a second later that their legs touched and Gintoki sat very close to him. Hijikata was completely befuddled, his stomach dropping when he felt the sensation of their bodies touching. His head tilted to the side and he took a peak at the man’s face.

Sakata Gintoki was sipping his cup, his head flushed and his gaze fixed into nothingness. He looked drunk, but still kind of relaxed. He wasn’t looking at him, like he was pretending nothing had happened when clearly he had closed the distance between them willingly.

Hijikata’s pulse was increasing and he felt his face redden, too. What was going on? Why was this guy so clingy? Why was he so calm, so tame, so sociable tonight? He was like a completely different person. It scared him, to be honest. It scared him because he knew this could end badly. And it frightened him even more that some part of him was okay with that. No, even more than that. Some part of him wanted that, longed for it with every fiber of his being.

Up close, the dark-haired man could smell him. He smelled of a strange shampoo, of sweat and dust, but also kind of sweet. A lump grew in his throat and he forced himself to look away. Hell, this was getting dangerous. Was this what this guy was like drunk? Or was he testing him? Teasing him? Maybe had he teamed up with Sougo to torture him? As casually as possible, he gulped down the sake in his cup. God, he was so nervous.

As Gintoki moved, Hijikata’s heart skipped a beat. The silver-haired man leaned against his shoulder, almost cuddling up to him, and refilled Hijikata’s cup. He could hear him whisper in a strangely soft voice.

“As long as your cup is full you won’t go… right?”

The cop held his breath.

His head was whirling, his heartbeat racing. What did he just say? Was he serious? Did he… actually… want to spend time with him? Hijikata wasn’t able to think straight anymore. His feelings strangled him. He felt the longing for this man growing stronger and stronger, felt how much he enjoyed being so close to him, felt the urge to go even further. He held back.

“Yorozuya…” he managed slowly.

 “What? The sake 's good, right?” Gin mumbled and avoided looking at him. He was still ridiculously close, leaning against him a bit.

Hijikata didn’t know what was going on. And frankly, he didn’t want to know. He decided to ignore it, all of it, to stomp his feelings down into the abyss of his self. The guy was drunk and probably lonely. Even though that just resurfaced the wish to be close to him and comfort him. Still, Hijikata told himself this didn’t mean anything. The perm-head was drunk, end of discussion.

“…Yeah…” was the only thing Hijikata replied to that. He tried to play it cool and not be riled up.

“Drink, Hijikata-kun.” Gintoki reiterated and took a small sip from his cup, too. “Night's cold tonight.”

And he did. He gulped down a few cups, in fact. Mostly because the Yorozuya took special care of his cup and refilled it every time he emptied it. Hijikata was too nervous to say no to that. It was only when he felt his head swimming for a bit, that he decided to stop. He didn’t want to get drunk, he just needed a bit of booze to calm the hell down. It didn’t particularly work.

Especially not, when the good for nothing samurai leaned in again and graced his neck with his hair. He had been leaning against him every time he refilled his cup, but this time was different. This time he faced his neck and inhaled deeply. He could feel his breath prickling on his skin.

“God… you smell so good…”

 _He needed to calm the fuck down_!

Hijikata’s heartbeat was close to exploding. His head was flushed like a tomato and he felt his soul almost leaving his body for a second there. His mind was blanking and he started to shake. What. The. Hell!

Just to make sure, Hijikata looked at the old man behind the booth. He didn’t mind them that much, was busy reading a newspaper and stirring the oden from time to time. So he didn’t see or hear it, it seemed. Freaking out, the cop then glanced down to Gintoki or what he could see of him. He was still resting his head on his shoulder, tickling his neck with his perm. His face was quite red as well and he was indeed shitfaced drunk. A soft _hick_ escaped his mouth and he grinned to himself. Oh God.

“Hiji…kata” he whispered and staggered a bit towards him, clutching to his kimono. To prevent him from falling, the policeman wrapped one arm around the drunk's back and held him. He chuckled, louder now. “…Wo…w… ya really can’t hold ya liquor,… can you?”

The cop was still flustered, his head reddened and his throat dry and hurting. He could barely breathe. Clingy, Gintoki was clutching to him, leaning against him. Hijikata could feel his full weight and it made him feel almost helpless. The warmth of his body was spreading and lulling his heart. Being this close to him felt so incredibly good. He hadn’t known how much he craved this. Still, he managed to keep his head clear. This guy was drunk and he wouldn’t take advantage of that.

All of the sudden though, Gintoki nuzzled his hair and whispered in a strained voice. “…You’re so warm…”

 

Before Hijikata could even react, he heard the crackling laughter of the old man. He was glancing at them from behind his newspaper and chuckled.

“I think that's enough liquor for you two.” The shopkeeper smiled and shot the officer a look. “Would you mind bringing him home?”

Frozen in shock, Hijikata glared at him, his face blanking.

But before he could answer, Gintoki mumbled something under his breath. “Whaaat? No way!” He protested faintly, in a drunken snarl. Seemed like he was under the impression the old man had meant him.

The shopkeeper laughed and looked at the dark haired man instead. “It’s your duty as a policeman, is it not? He had quite a bit and he can’t hold his liquor very well. So he probably won’t get home.”

The government official was still staring at him, frozen into a block of ice. And Gin was still clutching to him, embracing him even tighter now. He was attempting to swing one arm around Hijikata’s shoulder to bring him home. “Aaaaalright! I’ll do iiit!”

Their innkeeper laughed again and Hijikata knew he had to act. So, he begrudgingly nodded and embraced the drunk to help him stand. Holding him, Gintoki lulled. “Put our meaals on his ta-, will ya?”

“Kch!” Embarrassed the samurai hissed and mumbled. “No way I'm paying for your drunk ass.”

 The old man simply snickered and waved them off. He knew they would pay their tab, so he didn’t bother that much. “Thanks for the visit. See you two around!”

Dead drunk, Gin waved back and had trouble walking. Hijikata had his arm wrapped around his back and tried ignoring their closeness. They were so close. With his heart beating fiercely, he stumbled onwards, trying to support his drunk friend.

 

Hijikata didn’t know what he was doing exactly. He was cursing to himself from time to time, mumbling suppressed words under his breath. He was trying to get this guy home. Where else would he go? He was a cop after all and he couldn’t bear looking at his pathetic ass. So they staggered alongside the riverbank on their way to the Yorozuya’s home. While walking through the streets, the dark-haired man tried his best to avoid people and crowds. He didn't want to run into someone they knew. From time to time, he had to shoulder the pathetic drunk again, even though this guy clutched to him like he was drowning. He was lulling now and then, but he didn’t really pay attention to that. He didn’t pay attention to anything, to be honest. Especially not his nervously beating heart.

They had been walking for quite a while, when suddenly, out of the blue, Gintoki halted. He was looking around as if to make sure no one was watching them. Then, he was facing Hijikata with a dumb smile and a _hick_.

“Let's…take this way… 's a shortcut.”

Oh hell, what was he up to now? Confused and nervous, the policeman looked around as well and scanned the environment. They were not that far away from his home, but the back alley Gin was pointing to was in the opposite direction.

“No, it's not…”

“Sure ‘t is.” And from one second to the other, Gintoki was taking the lead, stumbling vehemently into one of the back alleys. Hijikata had to play along because even in his drunken stupor, the guy was pretty strong.  Also, he didn’t see the point in struggling against him too much. So he let himself be dragged along, right into the narrow dark alley. And as the twilight engulfed them and swallowed them whole, he realized what a stupid idea this had been. With every stumbling step, he felt his chest grow tighter, his pulse faster. Damn it, _what was he doing_?

When they were halfway through the dark alley, constricted by the tall buildings and the utter darkness, Gintoki suddenly stopped dragging him. Hijikata felt his heart skip a beat. He mustered all his strength to say something and there was just a hint of a tremble in his voice.

“What's wrong with you, …Yorozuya?”

“Nuffing's wrong with me.” He lulled and faced him. He was unsteady and drunk, mumbling. “…Just… want to be with you for a little while more… that’s all…”

“Yo…rozuya…?” The cop whispered under his breath, confused and blanking.

The next thing he knew, Gin pulled Hijikata close into his arms, stumbling backwards to the wall in doing so. He was clutching to him, unsteady on his feet and only when his back hit the stone of the wall, he seemed to have regained his balance. For a moment, the blue-eyed man was worried he would collapse under the weight, but Gintoki held him tight, grabbing him like crazy. His arms were wrapping around him, drawing him closer and closer. It was a longing embrace, full of fear and desire and yearning. Hijikata felt his breath on his cheek, his neck.

It made his head whirl. Instantly, the policeman stiffened and held his breath. Suddenly, Gintoki was everywhere. His smell was overpowering, his warmth was clashing against him, igniting him and burning his defense to crisps. Hijikata didn’t know what to do. He had frozen, rendered unable to move, couldn't fight the embrace. What the hell was happening here? Was he serious? He couldn’t… he just couldn’t…

“…so… good…” it was only a faint, almost aroused whisper. But it knocked Hijikata right out.

The response was a tremble in his voice, slowly reanimating his body. “…Gin…toki.”

The silver-haired drunk tightened the hug and nuzzled against his cheek and neck, just like cats did, he thought. His lips brushed Hijikata's throat and ear. The scent of him got stronger. He smelled so weird and yet so incredibly good. The overwhelming scent made him queasy.

A suppressed moan and the drunk buried his nose in his hair. “Hijikata…”

Hearing his name out of his mouth was more than he could take. This was driving him crazy. He had to gulp, gulp down all of the feelings surfacing again. No, this was bad. This was really, _really_ bad.

Slowly, the cop's hands were rising too, curling around his back as if he was seizing him. He had lost control of his body. It took what it wanted. And right now it wanted one thing only.

“…Gintoki…” This name tasted so good on his tongue. He wanted to say it again and again. It was so fucking good. His voice was as deep as it was hushed. He was barely able to fight the urge to do it. Still, with a last resort of reason, he uttered weak words. “…you're drunk…”

“Not as drunk as youuu…” the silver-haired samurai chuckled happily. Hijikata couldn’t believe he would actually say that someday. But in a way, he found that incredibly cute.

They were so close now, pressing against each other. Hijikata was supporting him, had his hands wrapped around his waist and back, so Gin wouldn’t fall. The man was still leaning against the wall, hugging him like a starved beast. Then, only slowly, one of his hands wandered upwards to Hijikata’s head. His fingers were cupping his cheek, tracing his features, softly brushing away strands of black hair. The policeman was heaving for air under this gentle touch. He felt the heat subduing him, nurturing the longing and arousal inside his chest and stomach. He still resisted. He resisted with everything he had left. He was troubled, torn, on the brink of doing something unbelievably stupid.

Right now and then, Gintoki was dealing the deadly punch. His eyes were closing and he leaned towards him, aiming to kiss him. Hijikata’s head was screaming, fear mixed with yearning in a toxic storm raging through his veins. Anxiously, he clutched even harder to Gintoki, pushing him into the kiss in doing so.

But before their lips could meet in a liberating caress, the Yorozuya stopped and whispered something in a wrecked voice. “…Do…you like me?”

Breathlessly, Hijikata stared at him, his face flushed red from the heat. He hadn’t been expecting that. His heart made a painful skip and he gulped. He couldn’t look him in the eyes while replying.  “What… kind of question is that?”

A chuckle and he smiled happily, caressing his temples and cheeks with his fingers. “’s that a yes?”

For god’s sake! This man was driving him crazy! Slowly, he managed to gather words. They were thorny, as per usual. “It's a: how the hell would you get this kind of impression?”

For a second, Gintoki closed his eyes and chewed his lips. It was a gesture that couldn’t be any more erotic. Hijikata couldn’t help but stare and felt the arousal take the best of him. Hell, was this the alcohol? Or the twilight? How could it be that this riled him up so much? He gulped for air.

“So…” The Yorozuya glanced at him, cheeks flushed and eyes dilated. “…when you said you're in love with me… that was a lie?”

 

Oh fucking God! Hijikata couldn’t look at him. He just couldn’t. His chest tightened and he wasn’t able to breathe. His head was exploding; everything was spiraling. Obviously, Gin was referring to the time he had been drugged. Damn, he had no idea what he did back then! And still, he dared to ask him that? As if he didn’t know the answer! Or was he really that much of an idiot? Damn, was he that stupid?

Wasn’t it just plain obvious now? Especially at this very moment? That he was head over heels in love with him? That he loved his crooked, stupid smile and his stupidly permy locks and his stupid dirty jokes? That he wanted to be with him more than anything right now? Was this so hard to get? Did he really need to spell it out for him?

 “…I…” Hijikata gathered all his strength to answer. Their closeness made him lower his defenses. So much that he didn’t care anymore. He wanted him to say it, to admit it? Fine, he would get it. He was sick and tired of playing hide and seek.

Yet, the next second, all of the sudden, a broken chuckle poured out of Gintoki’s mouth. He shook his head and lowered his eyes, his voice slurring a little. “…Just kiddin’… just kiddin’…”

As the policeman stared at him, he felt sick. The expression he saw in the face of the strong veteran was more than he could bear. He looked hurt, frightened and cowardly. It made his legs grow weak. Gintoki was gulping, having troubled to breathe and weakly pushed him away. The cold of the night filled the spot where he had been. Hijikata shivered and hated it. He didn’t want them to break apart. He had wanted to hold him like that longer, had wanted to be engulfed by his smell and raspy voice and tickling hair.

Though maybe, it was for the best. Maybe they had gone too far. Maybe this was how it ought to be.

Gintoki turned away from him, letting go of him completely. He had this fake, broken smile glued to his lips and kept his distance. “Sorry, Hijikata-kun… I think… I'm a little too drunk. I think that's why I'm acting a bit strange today. So don't mind anything I said… I'm… sure you'll find your way home alone, won't you?”

Hijikata’s heart almost broke in two. No. No, this wasn’t for the best at all. This wasn’t what he wanted at all. He couldn’t bear it.

The perm head started walking, slowly staggering away from him. It was obvious he wanted to get away, running off from the unpleasant confrontation, from the truth. “Nice meeting you tonight, Mr. Policeman… take care…”

He couldn’t allow that. Disregarding the man’s attempt, he appeared at his side and swung his arm around his back, supporting him once again. He also grabbed Gintoki’s arm to keep it fixed on his shoulders. Firmly, but not forcefully, he dragged him out of the alley into the street. The drunk protested faintly, but the dutiful policeman didn’t reply. His eyes were fixed on the street. He wouldn’t let that happen.

 

 

“Ugh…” it was a faint noise the shit faced drunk man made from time to time, but he didn’t puke yet, so he thought he would be safe. Carefully, he let the man sink down to the floor and he wasn’t even conscious enough to sit up. He just rolled up on his back and closed his eyes in pain. Damn, how did this idiot get that drunk? Hijikata was mad at him for that, but he wouldn’t say anything. Instead, he crouched down before him and took his boots off. His own followed a moment later.

They were finally at his house. Getting this good-for-nothing up the stairs, had been a real pain in the ass, but they had managed somehow. Now, Hijikata was standing inside his house, at the entrance, staring down at a knocked-out samurai throwing his head to the side from time to time. God, he was an idiot. They both were.

Mumbling to himself, he climbed over him inside the house. He left Gintoki lying there at the entrance. As quiet as possible, he snuck through the living room and slid the fusuma to his room open. There, he opened the closet and dug out the futon, spread it out and returned to the sorry excuse of a brave warrior. He was almost surprised that guy didn’t choke on his own vomit yet. Still pissed at him, he leaned over him, shaking him, to see if he was still conscious enough to walk.

“Hey, you’re still with me?”

“Ugh…” his eyes flipped open and fluttered. His glare was clouded. “…What?”

A sigh and he stared down at him, his words still hushed. He didn’t want to wake the China girl, should she sleep. “Come one, get up.”

“Uh… Hi…. ji…?”

So he seemed to recognize him. Good, at least that was something. The policeman nodded and touched his shoulder, indicating him to sit up. “Get up and get into bed.”

“I… where…?” Seemed like he had nodded off, but was slowly regaining consciousness again. Not that he counted much on it.

“Your home. So get up.” Impatiently, he grabbed him and helped him up, wrapping his arm around his shoulder again.

The man was heavy as a sack of wet sand. He leaned against him and moaned softly, but didn’t move. It annoyed the cop, but he knew he just had to get it over with. He wouldn’t leave him here at the entrance. He just couldn’t. In the end, he knew what he had to do.

So, begrudgingly, he did.

His hands were coiling around his back and knees, heaving him up into his arms. He felt so stupid doing that. Luckily the light was off, so no one could see his flushed face as he carried the man through the house into his bedroom. Damn it, this was so wrong. On so many levels. And yet, when he finally closed the fusuma and laid Gintoki onto his futon, he was relieved. And frankly, a little bit proud. But mostly relieved.

Gintoki mumbled something and clutched to Hijikata’s yukata. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe he was afraid to fall? In any case, Gintoki dug his fingers deep into his yukata, his upper body leaning towards him. He clung to him as if he was close to drowning. Hijikata’s pulse accelerated again at this, he stayed where he was and wrapped his arms around this fool's back.

At this moment, everything felt so strange. Gintoki was drunk and lonely, hugging him tightly, showing no sign of letting go. Hijikata didn’t mind the embrace, but still, his wounded heart cried in pain. His head was reeling and he had a hard time grasping everything that was going on inside of him. Gintoki being so vulnerable triggered his instinct to protect him. Not only from his drunken self, but from the whole world. He wanted to protect him from being hurt and being lonesome and from his past. He hadn't felt so strongly about protecting someone since Mitsuba had died. He knew it was stupid, this guy was strong enough to protect himself. But still, he had this illogical desire to protect him. To hold him in his arms and show him he cared for him.

He was pathetic.

Gintoki was so drunk; he probably wouldn’t even remember a single thing. That possibly was for the best. And yet, it made him almost sad. He didn’t want him to forget. He didn’t want him to forget him. He wanted this idiot to remember this night, to remember their embrace and the things he had said. Though, Gin most certainly didn’t even know he had ushered some of his words out loud. He just couldn’t imagine him saying things like that. They were both men of action and equally clumsy with words.

As Hijikata drew this idiot even closer into his arms, his chest hurt. This may be their last embrace, he thought. He didn’t want that. And still, he knew he was going too far. He should have left him at the entrance, shouldn’t even have started to drink with him. But what was done was done. His last chance was to say goodbye and leave it at that.

Gintoki was breathing loudly, moaning and searching for support. His fingers plowed into his flesh and Hijikata didn’t mind. The silver-haired man moved just a bit and straightened up. His gaze was swimming and clouded and he lifted his head to look into his face. Inapt, his nose poked against Hijikata’s cheek. He retreated a little bit backwards and tried anew, staring at him almost disbelievingly. The officer didn’t say anything, only glared back into his smashed face without revealing anything.

“Ah-… Hiji… kata?”

Seemed like he was “sober” enough to talk. He really wondered if he would remember anything. A nod was the only movement on his part. “Go to sleep… Just lay down.”

“uhhh…” His eyes closed and moaning, he shook his head. “…why… you… here?”

“I brought you home. You’re a real drunkard, you know? Show some maturity next time. You have a family you need to take care of, remember? So don’t do reckless things like that…”

“…ho…me…” He looked around but couldn’t see much in the darkness. Then, his eyes locked in on the man in front of him again. The corners of his mouth sunk. “…m… I… drea…ming?”

The dark haired man gulped all of his sorrow down and did the only reasonable thing that popped into his head. “Yeah… don’t worry about it.”

“Ah… so…” His eyes flung open and closed and he leaned into his arms again. His permy hair brushed against Hijikata’s neck and his hot, sour breath crushed against his throat, making him shiver. He almost seemed relaxed. “…then… ill… ya… hold… me?”

God, this was unfair. He tightened the embrace and closed his eyes, held his breath. “…’course…”

The man smiled, though Hijikata couldn’t see it. “…ti’s…nice…”

“…You’re a real mess, you know?”

“…yeah…” he nuzzled against his throat and chuckled softly. “...there’s no way… you’ll… ever… fall… someone… me… So… ‘s why… I shouldn’t…”

In the end, the man couldn’t refrain from lifting a hand and stroking through silver locks. Even in his smashed slur, he understood what he wanted to say. And it hurt, but he knew this wasn’t the time to tell him otherwise. “…yeah… we shouldn’t…”

“…nothing but… trouble anyway…”

He was right. Even when being completely pissed, he was right. They shouldn’t. Maybe some day. But for now, it was their duty to keep the façade up.  Someday, maybe, he would have the courage to confess his love. But not today, not like this. He wanted to be at his side, wanted more of his idiotic speeches and his honest smile. But he was fine with how things were right now. He didn't want to mess things up. It was for the best.

“…’s not like we could… we’d… have to… hide it… So…”

Hijikata smiled and leaned in to take a breath of his hair. It smelled of oden. Right. Whenever he was going to tell this guy how he felt, we wouldn’t want to hide it. He didn’t want to play this game. Either they were going for everything or nothing. Until then, he chose nothing.

“…kata… I… really… like…”

“Shut it and go to sleep already”. He interrupted him before things got out of hand.

“Hn…” he flinched under the feathery kiss Hijikata placed on his forehead before he forced him to lie down for real. With no strength left, Gintoki let go of him and stared up at him with a misty glare.

Though his heart hurt, he smiled. His fingers brushed over his forehead and his hair. This man was such an idiot. And still, everything drew him to this idiot. This idiot with a wonderful soul. “Don’t choke on your own vomit, you hear me?”

“…Hiji…”

“Go to sleep, idiot.” He leaned over so their foreheads touched in something that felt almost like a kiss before he stood up and smiled. His heart skipped a beat.

“Sayonara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. See you in my other HijiGinHiji fanfic "IchigoMayo"!


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